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1 (866) 272-7584* (pin#2080)
The 24-hour, Toll-Free NO-CREED Emergency
Helpline!
Of all the abominations ever to come out of
the foul state of Florida, perhaps none is as hateful and
potentially dangerous as the lumbering, posturing pseudo-Christian
rock band CREED. From their overwrought lyrics and
downright amusical riffmanship to the constant shirtless posing
and would-be-soulful moaning of frontman  Scott
Stapp, this band constitutes one of the most serious threats
ever unleashed by the mainstream corporate music industry
on an unsuspecting public. But whether you or someone you
know is afflicted by this group's bombastic hard-rock stylings,
the NO-CREED EMERGENCY HELPLINE is here to help.
- Does your spouse play Creed
records at high volumes to mask the screams when he beats
you?
- Does your son play in a Creed
cover band--or, worse yet--play acoustic versions of Creed
songs at open-mic nights?
- Does your daughter scrawl
the names of Creed band members onto every available space
on her body using a pen, knife, or philips-head screwdriver?
- Do you involuntarily hum
Creed songs while stuck in rush hour traffic... although
the radio is not even on?
- Do you suspect a co-worker
or someone else you know of being a secret Creed fan?
If you answered "Yes" to any one of these
questions--or if you're just troubled by the whole Creed phenomenon
in general and would like to talk to someone about it--then
call the NO-CREED EMERGENCY HELPLINE for expert, professional
advice and intervention before it's too late. From a touch-tone
phone, just dial 1 (866) 272-7584, then enter then code 2080
when the recording asks for the pin number.
* The NO-CREED Helpline
is a toll-free call from anywhere within the Continental U.S.
and Canada. Elsewhere, regular toll charges apply.
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