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WHATEVER
IT TAKES
Announcing
a Run For Congress, Beast Publisher Paul Fallon Lets it All
Hang Out
It
had to have been about a month ago...
We were in the office one day when our publisher, Paul Fallon--
who in his Bruce Banner/Clark Kent incarnation doubles as
the Erie County Green Party chairman-- offhandedly made an
announcement one morning.
 "Yeah,
I was thinking, what the fuck, enough is enough, I'm going
to run for Congress," he said.
"How
was your weekend?" I asked, not really paying attention. There
is a perpetual deficit of coffee cups in the BEAST offices,
and I was scanning Paul's desk for poachable mugs. In any
office environment, particularly one like ours, the desk of
the practicing attorney is always the most promising potential
source of office supplies--pens, pads, clean things to drink
coffee out of.
"Everyone
complains that I don't do enough," he said. "So I figured,
I'll do something. I'll run for congress."
He
seemed serious, but who can tell? People talk about a lot
of things in our wing of the luxurious Statler Towers. We
talked about it for a few more minutes, and then, satisfied
that there were no clean cups in Paul's office, I left.
A
week later a bunch of us were in the office designing an ad
when Paul came in.
"Oh,
by the way, I've decided I'm going to announce my candidacy
in the nude," he said. "My slogan is going to be, 'I'm Paul
Fallon, and I have nothing to hide.'"
That
turned out to be a short conversation, too. It was a great
idea, but I don't think that any of us actually thought he'd
go through with it. Hell, we wouldn't do something like that,
and we're crazy for a living. We talked vaguely about his
campaign strategy, offered to help any way we could, and then
went back to work, still not sure that any of it would ever
come to anything.
Then
last week rolled around. For weeks, Paul had been quietly
gathering signatures to get on the ballot as a Green Party
candidate, doing the whole thing himself, never asking for
our help in getting even this tiresome job done. By last Thursday,
he had more than he needed. Now it was serious. And what's
more, he seemed more serious than ever about making his announcement
in the nude. He had that glow that people get about them when
they're very determined about something.
On
the surface, Paul is about the last person you would imagine
if you were trying to picture a congressional candidate. His
manner of speech is halting, and at times he mumbles. He's
had financial problems, problems with his career. He doesn't
have any backers at all, let alone powerful ones from the
corporate world. Take away his law degree, and his years of
involvement with minor party politics-- much of which has
involved mediating intramural squabbles over minutiae and
trying to maintain morale amid a hopeless sense of marginalization--
and Paul is no more qualified than any of us to make a run
at the House of Representatives.
But
Paul has one thing that sets him apart. He's not ashamed of
his problems. In discussing the idea of announcing in the
nude, people criticized him, and told him that it would be
a blow to his credibility, that he wouldn't be taken seriously.
What those people failed to realize was that, more than a
gimmick, announcing in the nude was a gravely serious statement.
He was planning to get up and say, "Here I am, and so what?
I'm not rich, I don't look like a model, my career isn't what
it should be. So what!"
The
unwillingness to believe that it is okay to say that is the
only thing that keeps tens of thousands of people from feeling
that they're more qualified than rich creeps like incumbent
Republican Tom Reynolds to hold office. Having the balls to
believe that you're as good as they are is the only qualification
any of us ever need to make a run at these people. Paul was
the first one of us to figure that out, and God bless him.
Once
his petition was in, we dropped everything and helped prepare
the press release for his announcement, which would live up
to its billing as a truly original political event.
Just
after twelve this past Monday morning, Paul walked out of
a side door in the Buffalo room of the Statler Towers and
headed for the podium. He was completely naked. His unit hung
freely for all the cameras to see. Tripods whirred and flashes
popped as the Candidate walked slowly and defiantly to the
front of the room.
Humorously,
Paul ended up positioned behind the podium in such a way that
most of the still photographers in the room could only capture
his hanging balls on film, the more essential part obscured.
Our own photos came out looking like illustrations in a veterinary
textbook.
About
the funniest thing about the press conference was the sight
of the local journalistic priesthood wondering aloud before
the start, in apparent seriousness, why in the world any serious
candidate for office would announce his run naked.
I
heard several of the TV reporters talking about this before
Paul came out (channels 2 and 4 attended). It was an amazing
thing to listen to. Not one of them even thought to bring
up the fact that two TV networks, radio, and the Buffalo News
would never in a million years turn out to hear a Green party
candidate with clothes on announce a run for congress. As
it was, the newspeople faithfully reported the next day that
Paul, in addition to being naked, stood for ending the war
on drugs, providing everyone with health care, and working
to support labor in opposition to Tom Reynolds's pro-corporate
policies.
Channel
2 even rebroadcast, under a series of beeps, the following
sound byte from the beginning of Paul's speech: "I'm running
because Tom Reynolds is a big fucking asshole!" No way a candidate
with clothes on gets that on the air.
I
will refrain here from describing the curious positioning
of some of the cameras, or that certain members of the press
strategically positioned themselves well to the side of the
makeshift podium (actually a pair of chairs covered with a
garbage bag and an American flag featuring corporate symbols
instead of stars) in order to have full view of Paul's congressional
package throughout the ceremony.
Paul's
speech started slowly, but during the question and answer
period, he started to heat up. What started out as a gimmick
started to sound curiously like politics when, in response
to a question about whether he was a credible candidate, he
answered, "Why not me? I represent actual people. How many
of us have a mansion in Clarence like Tom Reynolds, or rich
corporate friends who'll pay $5,000 a pop to play golf with
you at Pebble Beach?"
That
night, on Channel 7, Tom Reynolds actually responded, calling
Paul's stunt demeaning to the political process, and too silly
to be worth his time.
Whatever.
The reason most people are bored by politics these days is
because almost none of us feel like we're actually participating.
The two parties serve us up a pair of mostly identical candidates
who conduct a narrow, polite debate with one another, at the
end of which we lazily choose one or the other.
But
the reality is that you can go from being broke and anonymous
to forcing a millionaire congressman to publicly respond to
being called an asshole within about an hour. Instead of a
sham, you can have the real thing. All you have to do is do
it yourself. It just takes balls and a little brains.
Journalists
who stay on the sidelines cracking Jay Leno one-liners during
elections make us here at the BEAST want to puke. The real
fun is in actually doing something. Paul may not win this
election, but he could very easily make Tom Reynolds's life
until November utterly miserable. That's a goal this paper
can support. Give Paul a call if you feel the same way. He
needs your help.
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