A Look Back Through the Ages by The BEAST's former Editors.

100 BEASTs of Gratitude
A brief note from the asshole in charge.
Al Uthman

Father Knows BEAST
A few unkind words from our founder.
Matt Taibbi

Outrage 101
A BEASTly education.
Paul Salamone

Me & My Buddy The BEAST
Chris Riordan

Viva El BEAST!
Recollections of an undocumented BEAST Staffer.

The Truth About our Intentions
The very 1st BEAST Editorial.

The BEAST Government Kids Page Review
Ian Murphy

Murtha's My Lai
Stan Goff

Call me Old Fasioned, but I Think the President Should be Killed
A BEAST Reader Opinion
by Gengis Khan

The BEAST Page 3 Deposed Nepalese Despot

Kino Korner
Da Vici Code, Poseidon, Just My Luck, See No Evil.

Your cosmic fortune...
in insult form.

[sic] - Letters
Judge Punch, toilet reading, and Moses in denial.

Still Scum, Still Sucking
Our local Rep, Tom Reynolds.
Paul Fallon

A Prank of Two Cities
The incredible true story of how we propositioned the mayor’s wife and rigged the NHL playoffs.
Paul Jones

Top 10 Signs of the Impending Police State
Hey America, freedom's just around the corner... behind you
Allan Uthman

A Preview of this Issue
...By Sabres play-by-play man Rick Jeanneret!

I Know More Words Than You
An editorial of verbose contrivance.
Paul Jones


100 BEASTs of Gratitude
A brief note from the asshole in charge

I remember thinking two things when I picked up The BEAST’s very first issue back in June of 2002: one, that it was the greatest thing I had ever seen, and two, that it would never last. Even after taking the helm for issue 39 as the paper’s fourth chief editor a year and a half later, I never imagined that I’d still be doing this 61 issues later. It’s a testament to the enduring tenacity of this most callous of all publications, as well as my own legendary inertia.

There are a lot of stories I could tell about my tenure here, but that would be work. Instead, I have concocted a devious plan to celebrate our 100th issue: contact the former editors and get them to write “retrospective” pieces for free, while I take a long-deserved break from my usual content-generating duties. That’s why you’ll find articles from former BEAST brethren Matt Taibbi, Paul Salamone and Chris Riordan in this issue, each recalling his BEASTly days in his own inimitable style.

For me, The BEAST has been a simultaneously wonderful and horrible experience. I’ve enjoyed the notoriety, the camaraderie of my fellow miscreants, the unexpected praise, and the automatic inspiration that comes with deadline pressure. On the other hand, there’s the absurd workload, the poverty, threats of violence, and the gradually accumulating combination of sleep deprivation and outrage fatigue. I’ve tried my best, along with the indispensable Ian Murphy, recent arrival Paul Jones, and many other miscreants to provide you with a paper that is, at the least, unlike any other in America, one that will inform you, provoke you, or just crack you the hell up. No doubt exists in my mind that the experience has been worthwhile. I hope you, dear reader, agree. Carry on.

--Al Uthman



Idiot Box by Matt Bors
Big Fat Whale by Brian McFadden
Perry Bible Fellowship by Nicholas Gurewitch
Bob the Angry Flower by Stephen Notely
Deep Fried by Jason Yungbluth

e-mail the evil editors at sic@buffalobeast.com
John Stossel's Invisible Handjob
Leaking Integrity: WaPo lies
I'm with Stupid: Tony Snow
10 Questions for Scott McClellan
Ask Dr. Cruise
Guide to Post-9/11 Opportunism
Ask a Horrible Human-Monkey Hybrid
GWB's Rapture Report
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