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The
BEAST Page 3
Turn-ons: Divine right, Tenzing Norgay, Cromwell, milliners, haberdashers, an infantilized populace, Dick Cheney, paternalism, Bootsy Collins, Dr. Teeth. Turn-offs: Chairman Mao, free will, Sir Edmund Hillary, noblesse oblige, Elton John, nudists, Nehru jackets. How I got to be The BEAST PAGE 3 Deposed Nepalese Despot: I blew it, folks. I squandered all the good fortune that came with my family fortuitously being slaughtered a while back. All this time watching the United States, I thought I had it figured out. I used the fear of Maoist rebels and some folderol about government corruption as a pretext for my power grab of the government. How could I have been so blind? Maoists? My sin was vanity: I thought I was doing it the NeoCon way—but I lacked imagination. I should have stuck to old stand-bys like the threat of foreign invasion or mysterious contagions, farfetched notions about which people have no constructive knowledge. Or, perhaps, I should have pursued politics in America—a much stupider and vastly more superstitious land. The truth is I thought democracy was passé. I didn’t realize there were people still interested in exercising their rights or who cared what their leaders were doing. Boy, is my face red—I know, it’s hard to tell with my complexion, but trust me: I’m blushing. Future Plans: Perhaps I was too hasty a moment ago. A ceasefire has been declared and while I’ve officially relinquished power, I’m still positioned to manipulate the political process. The people should’ve guillotined me when they had the chance…Wait, is it too late to strike that—damn! Whatever happens, I’m canceling my subscription to the New York Times. They made it all look so easy—I was completely taken in. How I’d like to be remembered: As the Imelda Marcos of hats. |
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Name:
King Gyanendra
