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EXTREME INDIFFERENCE Dear Paul, I was told you published the personal email I sent you (which was not intended for publication) about how it didn’t matter to me what you did at the Al Franken event or anywhere else for that matter. I went online to confirm this. Your response, once you strip away the predictable Beasty bile, was an insistence that I really do care about you and your paper. I’m sorry, but I don’t. Don’t take it personally, I just don’t care for your style of journalism anymore than you apparently care for mine. So I don’t read your paper. I know you’re out there and people read the Beast. That’s good! I know professional bowling is out there, too, I just don’t follow it. In any case, I meant what I said, I hope you prosper. Also, I began learning piano about three months ago. I’m terrible (but improving). Stop in at Merlin’s some Wednesday if you ever want to hear me butcher some well loved cover songs and I’ll buy you a beer. Just don’t talk to me about publishing. jamie p.s.
Okay, Jamie, you’ve convinced us. After two insistent e-mails, it’s become very clear to us that you really, really, seriously, don’t give a hoot. In fact, we’d have to say that you don’t care a lot. In fact, you don’t care so much that it seems really important to you that we fully understand your superlative lack of interest. In truth, though, the best evidence that you really don’t ever read The BEAST is your expectation that simply typing “not for publication” would ever stop us from printing something.
WORLD’S GREATEST SCIENTICIAN Would it be any relevance to know that Mad Cow Disease is not caused by an abberant protien but by an nanobacterium called spiroplasma? It can be known as absolute fact without any tests that prion proteins do not cause Mad Cow Disease, or TSEs, because the absence of genetic material causes evolution to work against the disease instead of promote it. Without evolution, it cannot have variants. I explain this subject on this web page: http://nov55.com/prin.html Gary Novak
Well, we’re no scientists, but we’re always willing to believe a “scientist” whose only corroborating reference is his own website. Still, we’re in good company, according to your website, as you seem to have discovered not only that the Theory of Relativity and the Big Bang Theory are incorrect, as well as the physical definition of energy, but that the dinosaurs were killed by grass, chlorine causes heart disease and fluoride makes your teeth break. Oh, and global warming is caused by the earth’s core heating the oceans. It’s amazing, really—such an astonishing range of discoveries, yet the genius behind them goes unrecognized, as if he is some kind of crackpot, some half-witted egomaniac who cannot imagine that some truths are beyond his comprehension. What a shame. That’s a nice touch, too, signing off with “science web site,” when that’s not even the name of your website, which would be bad enough in itself. Maybe we should start following our names in correspondence with the word “newspaper.” You know, let them figure it out, right?
CLOSET CARNIVORE Hello, Dear
Kenny,
THE ENEMY OF OUR ENEMY STILL SUCKS First, I wanted to say how off the mark you were with your list. Although, you are entitled to your own opinion, however liberal it may be. I have fought for this country and I’m sure that you in no way support the war or even give a shit about the troops, but there is on injustice that has to be brought forward. That is Fred Phelps and his congregation at the Westboro Baptist Church. I’m sure that since you apparently are an “educated” liberal would even agree with me on this. These people have no right to breathe the same air as any servicemember and to think that they can protest at ones funeral. Now, I stumbled across your page and realized I wasn’t going to like what I was going to read, but I don’t know anyone that even thinks about saying they support these idiots. Personally, I believe that they should’ve been every one of the top 50 and then killed. But the Constitution of the US protects them so they can trash talk the men and women that uphold and defend it. It makes me sick to know that we can’t deport them to Iran, that would be justice. Dan Dan,
ELOQUENT RESPONSE HEY what is the goddamn matter with you guys i love the beast but without having read the article im old fashimoned but still think the prez should be killed what the hell !!!! you cant call for the murder of an asshole like w even if jokingly man im mad you do this stupid thing man Don Ralphing Dear
Don,
YOU FIGURE IT OUT Here is a question for The Beast. Does The Beast consider itself a liberal publication? If no, where does The Beast fall on the political spectrum? Thanks, Dear
Libertad,
REFLECTS POORLY ON ALTERNET Hi, Two classes of congregant shall be turned on to a link to BuffaloBeast: One is the bloodywar-minded critics in the FriendlyOhYah Opposition’s inimitable ranks (in our back pews); the other is the repented ‘n’ Redeemed xconvix in the middle-to-front seats. Knowing ‘em all so well as I do, I expect a great time shall be had by all. BTW: Word is out that black ops assassins have been authorized recently for damage control purposes. Webb, Hennigan and Flocco are most recently said to be on the Beltway hit list. Protective prayer and shielding on all so targeted are clearly called for. Do you pray as well as you lampoon? Or have friends/associates who do? If so, kindly do pass the word to do the Right Thing as never before - and THANK YOU for your kind assistance in Heaven’s service. One good parody is worth ten thousand of even the most intensely focused polemics. Keep up the Great Work! (Heaven bless thee too for all you do.) 0{:-)o< -- With cordial bellyhowlin’ respect, Reverend Charlene WT Mann (ULC) First Peoples’ Church of the Forbidden Truth “John 8:32 is Just All Right by ME!” (A Global Funny Hat Medicine Society Affiliate and ICKR Curmudgeonry Licensure Agency) “Truth has value for its own sake. No mistake.”
Dear
Reverend,
RETROACTIVE THEFT I’m wondering if Michael Gildea saw the latest episode of Family Guy, where Peter Griffin gets to do a segment on the local news called “you know what really grinds my gears?.” He used, pretty much verbatim, what Michael Gildea had said about Jessica Alba in edition #85’s Kino Korner, replacing Lindsay Lohan for Jessica Alba. Seems like the Family Guy writers are fans of the Buffalo Beast. Keep up
the good work.
Dear
Dan,
MORE WORMHOLE NEWS Hello: issue #89 November 30-December 14, 2005 Be A Diligent Jihadist “And if anyone knows the real story about Abu Mussab al-Zarqawi-if he’s real, who the hell he is or why that matters......” Newsweek June 19, 2006 The Editor’s Desk “On Feb. 5, 2003, Secretary of State Colin Powell went before the United Nations to make the case for going to war with Iraq. Among his arguments: that the United States had solid evidence of ties between Saddam Hussein and a murderous Al Qaeda leader named Abu Mussab al-Zarqawi.” Apparently Newsweek knew all along. Do you think they let Colin Powell in on it, or he leaked the information to Newsweek and they kept mum about it out of the goodness of their collective heart? The article goes on to say that a team of diligent Newsweek reporters published reports from intelligence sources linking Zarqawi to Iran, not Iraq. I suppose that information will come in handy in the next pre-emptive strike. And Bush actually said something intelligent this week. Maybe those xians weren’t wrong about the end-times. Kate in Kingston
Kate,
[sic] PUPPY Wow, just found
out about your mag from one of my writers, and after reading several pages
of your vitriolic perversity I realized that I.....love you. I do. I want
to rape your sarcasm. Dear
Scott,
HIP-HOPPING MAD Editorial, It would seem that the original mistake was for the new landlord to take a highly respected nightclub away from a legitimate operator and give it to a deceitful child. The second mistake was to then let this child run amuck, for the last two years, unsupervised. Anyone who has gone to the “New Tralf” has seen that the once lovely interior, fabulous staff, and terrific programming, has been replaced by a mess with a poor sound system, terrible service, and virtually no programming. Former patrons are left with hip hop parties and canceled concerts, not to mention the fact that the continued bad press leads everyone to believe that heading downtown now means putting one’s life at risk even at 7 p.m.! I can imagine the P.R. people at Shea’s, Studio Arena & The Irish Classical Theatre are working overtime to dispel this image. Does the city actually believe that people from the suburbs are going to buy tickets to shows in the theatre district next season if things don’t change? There goes your restaurant, parking and hotel dollars. Wave goodbye to that money right now. Who is going to fix this? Is it the city? Is it the landlord? Certainly it is not the current operator. He obviously is incapable of an adult thought. The adult audience has nowhere left to go in this city to enjoy any music. The Tralf, under this current regime has been ruined & even the Town Ballroom has turned out to be a huge disappointment, with similar hip hop parties and young rock shows. Is there anyone capable of returning the Tralf to the “jewel” it once was? The adult music lovers in western New York hope so, as do all of those restaurant, parking and hotel workers who would like to keep their jobs. Kathleen Lograsso
Dear
Kathleen, |
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