July 6 - Aug 8, 2006
ISSUE #104
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Features

Killing for Peace
"Premature" ceasefires and other wacky nonsense
Al Uthman

Oprah Akbar
BTUs & CSI are our best weapons against terrorism
Donnie Dobovich

Suport our Unborn Troops
An Evangelical Editorial by Ian Murphy

Are You Anti-Semitic?
Das BEAST Pop Quiz!

Heard the Good News?
Real messages of apocalyptic hope

Local BEAST

WHL-Duh
Local AM station bans BEAST after severe panty-bunching incident

Of BANANAs & Bonobos
BEAST scores watery blow against acronym proliferation

Departments

Page 3 New & Improved Sabres Jersey

Kino Korner: Movies
Lady in the Water, Clerks II, Little Man, My Super Ex-Girlfriend, Strangers With Candy

BEAST-O-Scopes
Your cosmic fortune in insult form.

[sic] - Letters
Bad Cop, Coulter, Pastries and more Moses


Are You Anti-Semitic?
Das BEAST Pop Quiz!

Complete the below phrases:

1) Recent Israeli air strikes in southern Lebanon are:

a) prettier than a Menorah.
b) justified by the terrorist actions of Hezbollah.
c) eh, what can you do?
d) a bit over the top with the civilian carnage and whatnot.
e) consistent with Israel's overly aggressive and violent history of war crimes since its inception in 1948.

2) Lebanese media outlets depicting the numerous civilian casualties are:

a) worse than Himmler.
b) unconscionable tools of terrorist propaganda.
c) sensationalizing to draw readers.
d) fair, but not balanced.
e) accurate in their reporting of the indiscriminate carnage.

3) Hezbollah's kidnapping of two Israeli soldiers was:

a) an attempt to wipe Israel off the map.
b) they killed 8 soldiers too, asshole.
c) totally uncool, man.
d) miniscule compared to the repeated missile strikes on the Palestinians.
e) intended to leverage negotiations in the release of Hezbollah prisoners in Israeli jails, and as a show of solidarity with Hamas, for the recent, unwarranted detention of many top Palestinian officials.

4) An immediate ceasefire would be:

a) impossible when dealing with a foe as untrustworthy as Hezbollah.
b) bad business for Raytheon.
c) what? I can't hear you over all the explosions!
d) a smart PR move.
e) a reasonable first step in negotiating a peace deal.

5) The life of one Jew is worth that of:

a) 1000 Arabs.
b) 500 Arabs.
c) 100 Arabs.
d) maybe 10 or 20 Arabs, depending on whether they're terrorists.e) 1 Arab.


Now add up your score!
(a = 1, b = 2, c = 3, d = 4, e = 5)

5 - 8: Mazel Tov, you demonstrate a true appreciation of God's chosen people! You likely have many Jewish friends, whom you eagerly supply with billions of dollars worth of military artillery.

9 12: You accept Israel's divine right to exist and defend itself at any cost to worthless Arab life. You will be rewarded in the afterlife with golden bagels.

13 16: You are an enemy of freedom. You have likely fallen under the direct influence of Damascus and Teheran.

17 20: Your outright anti-Semitism sickens decent people. You likely rule over an Islamo-fascist state with an unwavering iron fist.

21 24: Oy vey! You are no friend of the Jews.

25: While you may consider yourself well-read and informed, you are, in fact, a hardened Nazi.



e-mail the evil editors at sic[at]buffalobeast.com
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