July 6 - Aug 8, 2006
ISSUE #104
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Killing for Peace
"Premature" ceasefires and other wacky nonsense
Al Uthman

Oprah Akbar
BTUs & CSI are our best weapons against terrorism
Donnie Dobovich

Suport our Unborn Troops
An Evangelical Editorial by Ian Murphy

Are You Anti-Semitic?
Das BEAST Pop Quiz!

Heard the Good News?
Real messages of apocalyptic hope


Local AM station bans BEAST after severe panty-bunching incident

Of BANANAs & Bonobos
BEAST scores watery blow against acronym proliferation


Page 3 New & Improved Sabres Jersey

Kino Korner: Movies
Lady in the Water, Clerks II, Little Man, My Super Ex-Girlfriend, Strangers With Candy

Your cosmic fortune in insult form.

[sic] - Letters
Bad Cop, Coulter, Pastries and more Moses

Strangers With Candy

If you're a true geek of any persuasion, you've had the infamous what superpower would you want debate. Come on, admit it. You've often daydreamed about what you'd do if you had super abilites. And the thing about that whole discussion is that no one is ever smart about their choices. Most people are all about flying. You know what happens the second you go flying? If your bones don't snap you'll by shot down by an F-14 within 5 minutes. And do you REALLY want the ability to read other people's minds? I guarantee you within 2 minutes your mind would be erased, leaving you a drooling idiot. True, you would feel better about yourself briefly but in the end it would have been like looking into The Bucket of Truth and the only thing that would stop you from screaming uncontrollably would be your blown-out vocal cords.

Have you ever walked out of a movie completely depressed? I mean left the theater in a hellacious pit of despair? I think Saving Private Ryan is the only movie I've ever walked out primed and ready to go walk in front of a bus. At least it was until I saw Strangers With Candy.

The movie itself wasn't heavy-hearted or bleak, but it was just one of my favorite TV shows. Unfortunately, I didn't realize that the show Strangers With Candy was way ahead of its time until it went off the air and was eventually rerun in the worst time slots possible on Comedy Central. A 46 year-old ex-junkie whore goes back to her freshman year of high school in an after-school special spoof. Two of the teachers are gay and the principal is a six and a half foot tall black man named Onyx Blackman. It don't get no better than that.

And unfortunately that's where the movie Strangers With Candy shot itself in the foot. The show went off the air almost 6 years ago, but before it went it rolled off a perfect mix of very subtle and truly improper humor. You got maybe 25 minutes of episode, everything fit just nicely, no one got bored and no one got hurt. It lasted 30 episodes and went out with a bang. True, it was an acquired taste, but it knew to end the show before it got too ornery.

But the show captured the after-school special feeling so well that if you removed even the tiniest element from the show it would have a huge effect on the finished product. And it does. The movie Strangers With Candy runs at about an hour and a half, which gives it time to build up but also to run out of energy. A lot of the cast has changed since the show ended, the movie looks completely different from the show and there were too many inconsistencies between the two. It's almost like watching a marathon of the show on bad acid. Amy Sedaris looks even more grotesque on the big screen.

I could never hope to recommend the show Strangers With Candy enough. It was raunchy, inappropriate, racist, clever and friggin' hilarious. It's one of the best things Comedy Central has ever done and one of the best shows they or anybody else ever aired. It just didn't make a very good movie. If you see the movie Strangers With Candy and hate it, don't let it put you off from watching the show. Even thought the movie is a prequel to the show, it's not the best place to start.

Lady In The Water | Clerks II | You Me And Dupree
Little Man | My Super Ex-Girlfriend | Strangers With Candy

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