Aug 9 - Sep 7, 2006
ISSUE #105
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Sympathy for the Beagle
Chinese dissidents yearn to be treated like dogs
Allan Uthman

David Brooks donates genitals in noble pursuit of status quo
Matt Taibbi

Hillary Clinton copulates with the ghost of Richard Nixon
Matt Taibbi

Happy Hiroshima
John Hershey's Hiroshima turns 60
Alexander Zaitchik

Happy Election 2008
An Exclusive BEAST Preview
Josh Bunting


Buffalo in Briefs
Kunz Goldman: keepin' it real ... dumb
Ian Murphy

Alt Weakly
The BEAST grades the remodeled Rochester Insider
Brian Sek

Violent Femmes
Thursday in the Square
Reviewed By a Preachy Christian Asshole


Sprouting Sweet Potato

Kino Korner: Movies
Talladega Nights, Miami Vice, The Night Listener, The Descent, Scoop, John Tucker Must Die

As divined by your etheral guide

[sic] - Letters
Mad Maximalist, The Man Without a Case, The Passion of The Wrist and more

continued - page 2

St. Michael Jesus the Archangel (Formerly Phillip Jesse Silva)

You are not to say Hello to St. Michael Jesus the Archangel. Our less knowledgeable readers may find this surprising, but they just don't know the truth about the word. It's clearly a plot perpetuated by demonic homosexual leftists and Muslims to get people to subliminally think of hell. Say Heaven-o instead from now on.

A Catholic Republican from Michigan who believes he is a reincarnated combination of Michael the Archangel, God, and the Holy Spirit, is making another run at the White House in 2008. He refers to his wife as The Blessed Virgin Mary Michelle and to Jesus as My Big Brother.

But forget about his family. The real fun starts with his platform, which includes outlawing the ACLU, abortion, tobacco, gay marriage, Islam, socialism, atheism, and the teaching of evolution in public schools. He also wants to occupy the UN building with military force in order to convert it into something called the Headquarters of the United Domains of Heaven on Earth.

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