Aug 9 - Sep 7, 2006
ISSUE #105
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Sympathy for the Beagle
Chinese dissidents yearn to be treated like dogs
Allan Uthman

David Brooks donates genitals in noble pursuit of status quo
Matt Taibbi

Hillary Clinton copulates with the ghost of Richard Nixon
Matt Taibbi

Happy Hiroshima
John Hershey's Hiroshima turns 60
Alexander Zaitchik

Happy Election 2008
An Exclusive BEAST Preview
Josh Bunting


Buffalo in Briefs
Kunz Goldman: keepin' it real ... dumb
Ian Murphy

Alt Weakly
The BEAST grades the remodeled Rochester Insider
Brian Sek

Violent Femmes
Thursday in the Square
Reviewed By a Preachy Christian Asshole


Sprouting Sweet Potato

Kino Korner: Movies
Talladega Nights, Miami Vice, The Night Listener, The Descent, Scoop, John Tucker Must Die

As divined by your etheral guide

[sic] - Letters
Mad Maximalist, The Man Without a Case, The Passion of The Wrist and more

Talladega Nights | Miami Vice | The Night Listener
The Descent | Scoop | John Tucker Must Die

The Night Listener

If enduring the pain of not only seeing last Spring's RV, but also knowing the movie exists is not enough to satisfy your masochistic cravings, you can finally take solace as Robin Williams is back with another one of his creepy roles. And a beard. In The Night Listener, he plays a New York writer who goes out to investigate the memoirs of a molested teen in Wisconsin. What he finds are a lot of mysterious questions and even worse, the moon-faced Asian chick from Grey's Anatomy. Seriously, man. That chick is like Rocky Dennis. I mean, she's the reason you have to be sideways to watch Sideways.

I tried to behave. I really did. And it wasn't too hard for the first half as it seemed like it could actually turn out to be a good movie. But after a certain point during the 81-minute running time it bottomed out then ran around like a hyperactive child that got into the Mountain Dew stash. There were a lot of subplots that never got tied up and other aspects of the movie, such as the wingnut adoptive mother, gave me the distinct impression that this is what it would be like if I ever bothered to see Misery.

And what about the title? The Night Listener? A night listener sounds like secret code for a perverted neighbor who likes to listen to his neighbors have sex.

Honey, I just met the new neighbors. They seem really nice.

Great! Did you warn them about the night listener?

Nah. I figured I'd let them discover him on their own. It'll be a nice initiation into the neighborhood, you know?

You're a terrible drunk, Stephen! Just terrible. Take me now. On the veranda. Maybe the Night Listener will be listening...!

Beyond getting drunk on MD 20/20 in a movie theater parking lot (brown bagging it, of course) with the sole intention of seeing this movie while obnoxiously casting aspersions at the screen, I can't think of any reason in the world why someone would actively or intentionally see The Night Listener. Despite the moderately respectable cast, it suffers from shoddy production values and an anemic storyline that keeps nodding out on its audience and repeatedly farting in its sleep afterward. Your only hope of having something to talk about regarding this movie is about how you got kicked out after a bunch of Republican housewives complained about you being too loud. Or so I'd imagine...

Talladega Nights | Miami Vice | The Night Listener
The Descent | Scoop | John Tucker Must Die

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