Im hyperventilating right now. Without my physical proclamation of my faith in the Lord, destitute minorities might try to sell me crack or acid or whatever theyre calling it these days. Im totally vulnerable and theres nothing I can do about it. After a few repetitions of singing Our God is an Awesome God at the top of my lungs, my throat gets dry. I pray again, this time for the Lord God to forgive me, as I stand in line waiting for beer tickets.

Things get pretty hazy after that point. A familiar looking young lady serving me my fifth or so round said she had made one of my beers special for me. Ill just say that that demonic little bitch doled out to me a concoction which certainly does not honor God. A policewoman woke me up outside Hotel Lafayette a few hours later. I was only wearing my underwear and had strange marks all over my body.

From now on, Ill stay far away from anything marked special. It will probably make my ass sore.