Beast Banner Nov 30 - Dec 14, 2006
ISSUE #111
Issue 111 Cover Small
Last Issue Archives Blog Comix
Web BEAST Blog
 
Contact Download PDF RSS Subscribe Advertise Links Sign up and we'll let you know when a new issue is born.
Features

ArrowBig Baby Brown
Buffalo Mayor Tramples BEAST Publisher

ArrowThe Vilsack Buzz
As the nation looks to ‘08, excitement is high
Matt Taibbi

ArrowCut -N- Fun!
2 dimensional fathers better parents, say experts

Rich Herschlag

ArrowDialing for Santorum
My last-ditch heroic effort to save the GOP’s holiest hatchet man
Matt Taibbi

Local BEAST

ArrowAn Important Message from our Fearless Leader
Paul Fallon

ArrowBeast Product Review
Buffalo Rising Magazine

Departments

ArrowThe Beast Page 3
Featureless Internet Kitsch

ArrowKino Korner: Movies
Casino Royale, Déjà Vu, Stranger Than Fiction, Bobby, Tenacious D in: The Pick of Destiny, Happy Feet

ArrowBEAST-O-Scopes
As divined by your ethereal guide

Arrow[sic] - Letters
[sic]entology, Xenuphobia, Russian Says Get Out, Kill!, Castrate! and more

The Beast Page 3
Featureless Internet Kitsch

TomName: Tom

Turn-ons: Blogs, pastel colors, Bloc Party, sushi, ajax applets, takeout menus, metrosexuality, Blue Mountain coffees, overpriced Apple products, eurotrash, web 2.0, riding shotgun in “sporty” SUVs.

Turn-offs: Actual photos of people, cooking, default blog templates,CSS stylesheets less than 5 miles long, riding bitch, Birkenstocks, flickr, leaving the house, answering emails, teacher’s unions, Byron Brown

How I became the Beast Page 3 Featureless Internet Kitsch: My creator sold me off to an old friend of his who ended up back in his provincial hometown (Buffalo) after a few creative stints in some big cities. Now I’m utilized as a weak attempt at corporate branding for a shitty new magazine geared toward a non-existent demographic. I’m also used on some upcoming websites that are supposed to tell confused doofuses what cool shit there is to do in over-gentrified city neighborhoods that will be completely lame within 6 months.

Future Plans: I hope to be sold off to some great company like Google when all the websites I’m used on go under. Then I can go retire somewhere in San Francisco where I can find other faceless relics of internet history to commiserate with. I hope to die a quick death when the terrorists win and cut off America’s energy supplies from the Middle East, rendering the Western Hemisphere severely low on wifi.

How I’d like to be remembered: As a handy tool for uninspired graphic designers who think it’s cool for a newspaper to look “Internetty.”

 

 

Ads

Textbook125x125

Banner 10000035button

Banner button

button

button



send your ill-informed ravings to us here
Affiliate Sponsors
MotoSport, Inc.| Discount Anime DVD | Netflix DVD Rentals. NO LATE FEES; Free Shipping. Try for FREE! | music123.com | Direct2Drive
T-Shirts only $14.99 when you buy 3 or more at CCS.com | Shutterfly.com | LinkShare Referral Prg
Popular Favorites from the Archive



© Copyright 2002-2006, The Beast. All rights reserved.