Beast Banner April 2007
ISSUE #115
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Features

ArrowPresident Rubber vs. Speaker Glue
Pelosiís scarf and GOP barf

Allan Uthman

ArrowIn Defense of Ann Coulter?
Conservatives have a right to be assholes, just like real people

Paul Fallon

ArrowWithdrawal Symptoms
Iraq timetable’s a political fix

Matt Taibbi

ArrowJesus Christ!
People will believe anything

Ian Murphy

ArrowWhat, Me Worry?
Iranians aren’t scared of a U.S. attack

Russ Wellen

ArrowLandslide of Failure
The battle for election integrity is led by... the Governor of Florida?

Brad Friedman

ArrowDeregulation Killed my Cat
Food contamination: the Bush legacy

Allan Uthman

ArrowThe Whining Minority
Republican congressman turns from bully to baby

Matt Taibbi

ArrowIt's tax time again and I want to maul you
A.Rabid Dog

ArrowContradictum
Self-refuting quotations from the world of politics

ArrowBonobos vs. Chimps
A Debate for Lemur Philosophers

A. Monkey

Departments

ArrowThe Beast Page 3
Censored Chocolate Jesus

ArrowKino Korner: Movies
Are We Done Yet?, Grindhouse, Blades of Glory, Pride, Reign Over Me, The Lookout, The Reaping, Perfect Stranger, Vacancy, Fracture

ArrowBEAST-O-Scopes
As divined by your ethereal guide

Arrow[sic] - Letters
A Very Thin Hope, Classy, Mile High Club, Equal Rights Harassment, Kiwi Fruit and more

  Contradictum
Self-refuting quotations from the world of politics

“So you have the first Hispanic-American attorney general -- a minority -- under fire by white liberal racists in the Senate.”
Rush Limbaugh

''Let the unskilled jobs, let the kinds of jobs that take absolutely no knowledge whatsoever to do - let stupid and unskilled Mexicans do that work.''
Rush Limbaugh

"[L]ike a normal outdoor market in Indiana in the summertime."
Representative Mike Pence, describing the open-air Bagdhad marketplace he visited with Senator John McCain, 100 US Troops, three Blackhawk helicopters, and two Apache gunships on April Fool's Day in an attempt to justify McCain's ludicrous statement that you can "walk freely" in Baghdad. The next day, 21 shopkeepers from the market were dead.

"I do not believe the United States is well served by a policy that says it is OK to be immoral in any way."
General Peter Pace, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, commenting on the military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy. Pace is personally responsible for thousands of deaths.

"Benchmarks are very good.”
Representative John Boehner, January 23.

"The benchmarks that I see in this bill are intended to bring about failure."
Representative John Boehner, two weeks later.

"I think they're going to try to really tamp this down and appeal to the polling, which indicates that most people think, in fact, that he should be pardoned—Scooter Libby should be pardoned."
Andrea Mitchell, March 12. A poll released earlier the same day revealed 69% of respondents did not think Libby should be pardoned.

“I never want to suggest that, you know, there`s a silver lining to 9/11—my God, 3,000-plus people perished—but I will say that, were it not for 9/11, I don`t even think my book would have been published.”
Irshad Manji, author, The Trouble with Islam Today, speaking to Glenn Beck. This isn’t really self-contradicting in any way, but seriously, what a fucking stupid thing to say.

 

 

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