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TEABAG OF VICTORY
Matt, you really don't know the state of play [Matt Taibbi, “Year of the Rat,” issue 120]. Listen, go to intrade.com. You'll see that according to the collective opinions of people putting money down on the outcomes of the primaries, Ron Paul and McCain are not hopeless cases at all, carrying better odds than that slimy weazel from North Carolina. You'll also see that Clinton is the presumptive nominee for the Democrats. Dean was trading at 50 cents to the dollar at his peak. At 70 cents to a dollar, informed people, not hacks like you, are betting that only a serious setback stands between her and the nomination. In fact, she probably will win Iowa, she has a lock on NH, NV and FL, and probably will win SC. Edwards? He's already toast. Oh, and Kucinich? At zero bid, that sums up the fruitcake congressman pretty well.
well, Ron Paul is trading up to 9, ahead of Thompson. Not bad for a guy
mentioned in the NYT maybe once a fortnight. And Clinton? She has a lock
on everything, except maybe Iowa. Matt, you should write something about
Paul, for once you could be ahead of the curve. Yes, I know, you called
the Russian default in July 1998. I got news for you babe. When Russian
debt was trading at 40 cents to the dollar, everybody knew a default was
Well, strangely enough it seems that like that nice man Glen Beck was
wrong [“Pastor John Hagee Launched on Iranian Nuclear Facility,”
issue 120]. For some strange reason I’ve been reincarnated as a
cockroach and am currently scurrying my way back to Texas where I intend
to continue my work, denouncing the gays and abortion before inevitably
being squashed by that janitor who used to work for my non-profit organization.
Dear Pastor Hagee,
Similar view on abortion - life comes from passing a series of tests; genetic, organogenic, birth, etc. Well over half of all pregnancies self-terminate due to faulty DNA or organ damage. They weren't alive to begin with, they failed the test. Same with children dying in childbirth, or who are born alive but lack a brain. Either way, to be pro life requires ignoring biology.
Dianne Feinstein, I hope, should make it now to the loathed 50
JESUS WILL KICK YOUR ASS
You guys are kind of funny, but you definitely don't mind taking a bit
of fact, mixing it with opinion and presenting it as true (or takking
the side of people who do, e.g. Chomsky). Kudos on reprinting the Danish
cartoon; unfortunately America's mainstream press is only free for certain
groups these days. By the way, I'm a devout Catholic and (you having attended
the Mike Seaver thing) I'm sure you don't need to be reminded that evry
idle word will be given account of (including your cracks about Jesus,
before whom you WILL one day bow); however, truly free speech is bound
to offend now and then, so...one last point, if you guys are so into Chomsky
and these other secular-progressive intellectuals who wouldn't know an
honest day's work from a non peer-reviewed journal article, why are you
doing this instead of that?
KIDS KILL THE DARNEDEST THINGS
Abortion! Who wants to kill some fuckin kids!?
I'm trying to spread the word about my new "invention." Well, ok I didn't invent it, I just gave it a name. Its called a Pat Robertson. You take a dump on a girl (or guy)'s chest and wipe it off with the bible.
PS: I know its early but can't wait for the 50 Most Loathsome people of 2007!
BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS
This is hilarious! [Rich Herschlag, “Party Poopers: Rehab for conservative
perverts,” issue 120]. I needed some comic relief from all every
day crap and you gave me a toilet bowl full. Thanks
CAN'T SPELL “CUBICLE”
OMFG this is sooo funny. I printed this out and it now hangs on my office
cubical. Touche’ my friend.
Hey man - loved your article about rehab for conservative perverts. I
noticed you don't have your own site. I'd love to grow my own a bit by
adding a new writer or two. It's just a little blog I've been writing
for several years without much of a following, possibly because I'm not
able to get new material up frequently enough. In any event, if you have
any interest in contributing, you have a perfect sensibility for my site.
Also, i've had a little trouble being funny lately. I'd love to have your
sense of humor on-board.
these guys are total hypocrites. It pisses me off everytime this happens
(priest rapes kids, or senator takes anal in bathroom and then condems
fags on senate floor etc.)Great write up
Disgusting [Ian Murphy,”Let There be Retards,” issue 117].
What's the point?
Somehow the powers that be at The Buffalo News got bamboozled by this
Ms. Goldman (and why do we have to hear about "the guy Buzz married?")
YOU MEAN “FUNNY?”
Bastard childs of Hunter S. Thompson - you're what the Onion hasn't been
for a long time.
For instance, the other day I secretly recorded a conversation between me and my mom. Now, at first glance it seemed like just an ordinary talk between a mom and her son. I was asking about this years garden and she would explain her technique for canning and freezing to preserve the summer harvest so as to feed the family through the cold winter months. The talk continued, however I was growing increasingly impatient. Anxious to begin my investigatory work. I quickly cut her off just as she was beginning to describe this sweater that she had been knitting for grandpa. "mom I have to go, theres something burning on the stove!" ( a clever lie!) As soon as we said goodbye I feverishly rushed to the tape recorder to examine the evidence. I played the tape over and over again tirelesly looking for clues but nothing was showing up. "There must be something!" I mumbled out loud. It was well into the night now and growing increasingly delusional from exhaustion I was just about to call it quits...Then. As if..it were a message sent down from god himself... It struck me. " What if I play the tape in reverse! " I exclaimed out loud. My heart began to race, my palms were sweaty. I Quickly began to examine the tape again, but this time backwards. My pulse quickening with each passing second. "What would I find?" I knew I was on the right path. All of my years of reading encyclopedia Brown novels was now begining to pay off. And then; right in the middle of my mom describing to me the superiority of.. heirloom varietal seeds, I heard it.The moment I had been waiting for...I was able to vaguely decipher in reverse the true meaning behind this " inocent conversation" And what I found was astonishing. This was no ordinary sunday afternoon mom and son talk; oh no. What i was able to uncover was a sinister terrorist ..plot to blow up the Dunkin Doughnuts on the corner of virgil and lexington in downtown LA... I gleamed with satisfaction at my latest discovery.. I was the one one smart enough to crack this highly evolved terrorist code. A code that was being delivered from the lips of the very woman whom had given birth to me and changed my dirty diapers. I was the one who would save the lives of tens of people. I was a hero!
So please NSA you must act soon, for our lives and our freedom are at
stake. You must not let these freedom haters destroy such a great symbol
of Amerika. I will continue further investigations and keep you up to
date on anything new.
send your ill-informed ravings to us here
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