Beast Banner January 2008
ISSUE #122
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Features

ArrowThe BEAST 50 Most Loathsome People of 2007
Because there just wasn't enough hate this year.

ArrowThe Grasping
Crashing "Black Friday"
Andrew Blake

ArrowStop Being an Asshole
I'm talking to you, punk
Allison Kilkenny

ArrowDictator Humbly Accepts Electoral Defeat
So...how is he a dictator?
Stan Goff

ArrowThe War On The War On
A metaphorical atrocity
IOZ

ArrowGrowing Up Ganja
How I learned to stop partying and get a real job
Effrey Daniel


Departments

ArrowThe Beast Page 5
Desktop Battle Scene

ArrowKino Kwikees: Movie Trailer Reviews

ArrowSilent Night, Deadly Night
Actual Movie Review
Matt Cale

ArrowBEAST-O-Scopes
Your completely accurate horoscope

[sic] - Letters

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The BEAST Page 5 Desktop Battle

Name: “Defending Fort Slim Jim”
Turn-ons: Furtive imaginations, deadline desperation, forgiving readers, cheap Chinese toys and mechanically separated chicken
Turn-offs: The horrors of fake, miniature desktop war and greasy bazookas.
How I got to be The BEAST Page 5 Desktop Battle: Well, I’ve already addressed that—it’s purely an act of desperation, that and Fort Slim Jim is in great peril—she must be defended!
Future Plans: To become a full length feature film, directed by Michael Bay and starring Keanu Reeves.
How I’d like to be remembered: Monument, reflecting pool, day of remembrance and most importantly as a profound comment on society—that you’ll have to make up on your own.



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