A Brief Message
From the Girls of Africa
 Greetings,
American sisters, from the African continent! It is our distinguished
honor to introduce this special “Women’s History Month”
edition of The BEAST. We extend our hands to you in solidarity, as the
united sisterhood of the world, in recognition of all that you have accomplished.
You are a beacon of hope to women everywhere!
In fact, we have a very specific hope—a yearning,
really, with which only you as women could empathize, and that it is our
sincerest wish you would satisfy: please send us your clitorises. It is
our understanding—and please, forgive our provincial frankness—that
you have very little use for the clitoris in your country. We have heard
that most American women are so insolent, physically repugnant and emotionally
unstable that very few men find you sexually desirable. Indeed many of
them come here to have sex with us, and we often hear stories afterwards
about their wives and girlfriends. They say to even consider the act with
you it is necessary to indulge in quantities of intoxicants so great as
to render them physically incapacitated.
We don’t have any such problems attracting men.
Between the incessant warring and various campaigns of genocide, as well
as the aforementioned sex tourism, there is no shortage of fornication
here! But without a clitoris, it is joyless. We’d like to come just
once before we’re tortured or killed. That could be any minute.
So, please, mail us your clitorises today. And have a
fruitful “Women’s History Month”.
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