Beast Banner June 2008
ISSUE #128
Issue 122 Cover Small
Last Issue Archives Blog Comix
Web BEAST Blog
 
Contact Download PDF RSS Subscribe Advertise

We seriously need money. Anything. A buck. Come ahhhn!

Features

ArrowFROM THE DITCH OF A BLUE-COLLAR GUY FROM BUFFALO
A welcoming message from Russert country

ArrowTHE WRATH OF CON
A faith healer in Buffalo
Ian Murphy

ArrowBIG FUSS
Tim Russert, "A guy who did the news and just died"
Paul Jones

ArrowMEDIA MANNERS
Media Matters for America's mission creep
Allan Uthman

ArrowGETTING FIT WITH JOHN McCAIN
My friends, this workout is for all hardworking Americans

ArrowSUMMER GAS-SAVING TIPS
Stave off bankruptcy with these helpful suggestions!

ArrowTHE DISPOSABLE OATH
Goff Angry!
Stan Goff

ArrowEAT SHIT & DIE
Diseased veggies are the meat industry's fault
Allison Kilkenny

ArrowOLD DOGS & HARD TIME
Convicted rapists are people too
Joe Bageant

ArrowPEN OR SWORD
Retired Navy Commander Ken Huber on Iran, Obama & Bathtub Admirals
Russ Wellen

Departments

ArrowThe Beast Page 5
Appalling racist anachronism

ArrowWaxy Beast: Music Reviews
by Eric Lingenfelter

ArrowKino Kwikees: Movie Trailer Reviews
by Michael Gildea

ArrowBEAST-O-Scopes
Your completely accurate horoscope

[sic] - We ridicule your letters

 

From the Ditch of a Blue Collar Guy from South Buffalo

Tim Russert was like a father to me: He was Irish, raised in South Buffalo, I never saw him and I got no money when he died. Most people from Buffalo thought of Tim that way. He was a shining red-faced beacon for us all. He was an example of what a blue collar guy from Buffalo can accomplish—and without smoking crack or playing funk bass! He never once used his lowly upbringing as an excuse. He lived large, and knowing from the geographic shit-hole he was born into, he must have dreamt even larger.

What people outside of Buffalo don’t understand is how hard it is to make something of yourself when you are from Buffalo. It’s nearly impossible. For example, over 80% of Buffalonians die before they are ever conceived! But that’s not the real tragedy. The real tragedy is that of the 20% who make it, almost all of them will succumb to suicidal wings. It’s a cry for help. It’s the poverty that makes us that way.

The typical Buffalo home is made of wood and the lawns of dirt. Now, I don’t mean that as a metaphor. I mean actual dirt. Sure, there’s grass, but under that grass is dirt. And there’s nothing poorer than dirt. Is it any wonder that the MSM bigwigs are so amazed that a blue collar guy from Buffalo was able to overcome such obstacles?

Well, I gotta get back to the grind. This ditch’s gotta be a hundred yards long by noon, or I’ll get fired and then fed to a pack of wolverines—which is a Buffalo tradition.

It’s no wonder Tim Russert worked so hard!



send your ill-informed ravings to us here
Affiliate Sponsors
MotoSport, Inc.|Netflix DVD Rentals. NO LATE FEES; Free Shipping. Try for FREE! | music123.com | Direct2Drive
T-Shirts only $14.99 when you buy 3 or more at CCS.com | Shutterfly.com | LinkShare Referral Prg
© Copyright 2002-2008, The Beast. All rights reserved.