Beast Banner June 2008
ISSUE #128
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Features

ArrowFROM THE DITCH OF A BLUE-COLLAR GUY FROM BUFFALO
A welcoming message from Russert country

ArrowTHE WRATH OF CON
A faith healer in Buffalo
Ian Murphy

ArrowBIG FUSS
Tim Russert, "A guy who did the news and just died"
Paul Jones

ArrowMEDIA MANNERS
Media Matters for America's mission creep
Allan Uthman

ArrowGETTING FIT WITH JOHN McCAIN
My friends, this workout is for all hardworking Americans

ArrowSUMMER GAS-SAVING TIPS
Stave off bankruptcy with these helpful suggestions!

ArrowTHE DISPOSABLE OATH
Goff Angry!
Stan Goff

ArrowEAT SHIT & DIE
Diseased veggies are the meat industry's fault
Allison Kilkenny

ArrowOLD DOGS & HARD TIME
Convicted rapists are people too
Joe Bageant

ArrowPEN OR SWORD
Retired Navy Commander Ken Huber on Iran, Obama & Bathtub Admirals
Russ Wellen

Departments

ArrowThe Beast Page 5
Appalling racist anachronism

ArrowWaxy Beast: Music Reviews
by Eric Lingenfelter

ArrowKino Kwikees: Movie Trailer Reviews
by Michael Gildea

ArrowBEAST-O-Scopes
Your completely accurate horoscope

[sic] - We ridicule your letters

 

THE BEAST PAGE 5 APPALLING RACIST ANACHRONISM

Name: The Sock Obamaô

Turn-ons: Pickaninnies, mammies, Sambos, tragic mulattoes, magical negroes, Jemimas, Jim Crows, white Utahans.

Turn-offs: Touchy Negroes, liberal traitors, demonstrative pastors, that Hillary Clinton nutcracker.

How I got to be The BEAST Page 5 Appalling Racist Anachronism: I was born and raised in the United States of America. I proudly stand 16Ē tall and Iím made with high quality knit materials. Now, my macaca-like countenance has upset some people, much to my surprise, but I really think people need to settle down. I mean, Iím the homespun craft item that transcends race! My creators assure that they ďsimply made a casual and affectionate observation one night, and a charming association between a candidate and a toy we had when we were little.Ē Nothing racist about that! Sure, itís kind of awkward that Iím a variation of something called a ďsock monkey,Ē but hey, come on, letís be post-racial about this. I mean, itís not like I have a tail or anything. Oh wait, shit, I totally do have a tail! Goddamn, thatís motherfucking racist!

Future Plans: Oh, Iím just the fi rst in a long procession of alarming reminders over the next few months that America hasnít changed quite as much as you thought. In fact Iím not the fi rst: In May, a bar owner in Georgia was selling ďObama Ď08Ē T-shirts featuring Curious George eating a banana. Hah! Enjoy general election season, suh!

How Iíd Like to be Remembered: As a harbinger of a big change in race relationsó back to the days when blacks were afraid to vote.



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