Our stomach growl in anticipation of your generosity.
WHO ‘CAME’ FIRST?
men and women ARE equal
Men 'came' from women.. even jesus
We’re racking our brains here, but we just can’t figure out what it is you’re responding to. Not that women aren’t equal to men (barring propensity toward criminal violence), but your logic here is flawed. Men ‘came’ from monkeys too; does that make them equal?
I can't decide whether to praise you for the story [Ian Murphy, “Terror Alert,” issue 129] or plead with you to commit yourself for complete idiocy for going out with a canoe under those conditions, and with such a poor understanding of the currents at the mouth of the Niagra river. It's a wonder we're not reading your obituaries!
Having said that, congrats on a wonderful and insightful expose of the sham and boondoggle, totalitarian power grab and general corporate rip-off that is the "Global War on Terror".
It would have been fun to buzz the “Maid of the Mist,” on the way down, though. “Nice raincoats, dickheads!” SPLAT! There’s one for the museum displays.
Great piece. the illogic of this terror war is frightening. I recently tried to go to Canada and was denied access as I had been arrested a few years ago for failing to show up for a restitution hearing that I didn't know about. I owed a guy $400 for an accident and they arrested me on a warrent and it cost me $14,000 dollars for bail. The court apologized but won't give me my money back. Now I am an international threat and can't get into Canada for five years! Your national security tax dollars at work.
Can’t get into Canada? Sure you can! If you need a canoe, we’ve got one for sale!
LIVE & DEAD
Uh, hey dumbshit - Carlin was and continues to be a regular on HBO [Allison Kilkenny, “7 Words You’d Never Hear Today,” issue 129].
But maybe you don't get that in Loserville - er - I mean Buffalo.
“Continues to be?” Just a thought, but we have a feeling his ratings will drop after the novelty of his new “lying in a crumpled heap while flies buzz around me” act wears off. But you know HBO, always giving the cutting edge a chance. Hey, we just had a great idea for a series to pitch them, entitled “Loserville.” It’s about a guy who incorrectly thinks a writer lives in Buffalo when she’s actually in New York City. It’s a little thin, but we can pad it out with a discussion about how premium cable channels are obviously allowed to show whatever the hell they want, and that it generally goes without saying that they aren’t meant to be included when people say you can’t do or say something “on television,” because they’re not subject to the same FCC regulations. Then again, that would be fairly obvious to anyone with half a brain in their head, wouldn’t it? Oh well, back to the drawing board.
McBush is the biggest flip flopper since the character created by the _Swift Boat Veterans for "Truth"_. He originally opposed indefinite detention of terrorist suspects until the Supreme Court reached the same conclusion. then he called it "one of the worst decisions in the history of this country."
McBush was also once for kicking Russia out of the G8 before he was against it.
Wow! You know, we were planning on voting for McBush—oops! We meant McCain! It’s amazing how repeating that trope has tied McCain to Bush in our minds! But now that we see McCain is like Bush, it’s like a whole new world! Thanks for regurgitating at us!
IMAGINARY BEATDOWN #8,473
you know you guys are real fuckers. if i saw you out at my bar me and my biker buddies would kick you fuckin asses faggot! jager bomb yow!!!
Yeah yeah, you and your buddies blah blah. If we had a nickel for every empty threat we’ve received, we’d put them in a sock and carry it around whenever we went to biker bars, just in case. One question, though: When you fantasize about beating up faggots, do you get an erection?
HAMMER & FICKLE
I've written in to complain before. I said you have good issues and bad issues. There have been a couple of shitty ones for a bit, not gonna lie. But this article [Allan Uthman, “Top 10 Idiocies of the General Election .. So Far,” issue 129]. Man. This is a great one. Rarely does reading such terrible news make me feel so warm and happy, but when it reaffirms my belief that I haven't gone in sane, I can't help it. It was well cited and had a whole bunch of facts I'd never heard. Even the daily show attacked General Clark for his comment. That has to be the most out of context line I've heard in months. keep up the good work.
You see? We give you a good issue, and now you just want more. We don’t know why we even bother.
Bingo on lots of these points, but you are dead wrong about
the New Yorker Cartoon, and I resent being cast by you as a unsubtle dolt who
doesn't get satire (I have a PhD in lit and have taught courses in and on satire.)
That would be pretty damned funny though, wouldn’t it? Yeah, we bet your satire courses are a friggin’ riot, though.
Hey, we're forgetting that John McCain's rise to "war
hero" status was based not so much on having been "shot down",
but primarily on his enduring torture while being held captive for years against
his will. The GOOD NEWS, Americans, IS, he really was never "tortured"!
This is flawless thinking. Call the DoJ and talk to Mike. He’ll certainly understand your rationale.
Why in the hell do you call McCain a war hero?
UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT
The New Yorker cover was stupid. It was obvious. It was rude. It was an insult to New Yorkers. The idea that is was somehow too hip not to offend is insulting. Some things are too not hip to be hip about. The readers of the New Yorker deserve better, expect better and demand better. If I want to watch Butthead and A**hole on MTV, I'll go there.
The accusations and character assassinations of politics are not laughable and it it is not funny getting your face rubbed into it. It is just disgusting. It makes Giuliani look almost like a family man.
No, the New Yorker was not hip. It was just dumb. It was not funny. It was just dumb. If we as New Yorkers really have sunk so low that we are no better as a city than Caddy Shack meets Animal House Sex in the City, than New York deserves to be third or fourth behind Dubai and Shanghai and Putinstan.
I am ashamed that hip has become so valley.
You do understand it’s just called “The New Yorker,” right? It’s not like some representative city publication, edited by Michael Bloomberg or something. But why argue about humor with someone who doesn’t like Caddyshack or Animal House? Maybe you really are a New Yorker reader. But no, probably not.
I want an elitist for President.
I want someone who is smarter than me for President. I actually look at the intelligence of the person running and I give high marks for intelligence. I also give even higher marks for what I call social intelligence. Basically social intelligence is the ability to get along with people and know how they will react to you actions. For an example- bombing Iran. If we bomb Iran- what will they do? They could attack Israel and kill thousands or millions, or they could take the blow and not react. People who want to bomb Iran suspect that they will do nothing. People who hesitate thenk there will be massive retaliation. This is an example of why social intelligence is so valuable for a president. Obama has it, Hillary has it, and McCain lacks it.
Clearly, you are a latte-sipping, chardonnay-drinking, ivy league faculty lounge effete liberal elitist. Haven’t you seen Forrest Gump? Stupid people are naturally endowed with a magical power that enables them to know what the right thing to do is without actually thinking about it. This power is sometimes called “folk wisdom,” or “common sense,” or “alcoholic stupor.” Learning is like kryptonite to this power, and if you learn too much, you may even come to believe that it is is a myth, a figment of imagination that stupid people use to comfort themselves when confronted with complex problems that they are not equipped or inclined to fully comprehend. Obviously, you have reached that point, and can no longer be trusted to make important decisions for yourself. We suggest you seek help, perhaps by consulting with an illiterate farmer before you make any big moves. Ask him his opinion, and then have him bash you on the head with a shovel. Eventually, you’ll come to understand the power of ignorance. And probably free markets too.
MAKE THAT 12
More ridiculous moments:
You just don’t get it, do you? You see, China’s violations of its people’s civil liberties are worse than ours for a simple reason: They are foreigners. It’s easy to tell, because they are wicked good at ping pong. As to Edwards, it’s important to note that his wife’s cancer was in remission, and he didn’t have sex with any foreigners.
OF SNOPES & DOPES
My sister (don't get me wrong, I love her. I just want to strangle
her sometimes) keeps sending me anti-Obama stuff. I know she doesn't like the
way things are going, either, but she goes to church regularly, so of course
she will vote Republican like her pastor says. So she keeps sending me this
“Viable 3rd party candidate”? Why not just wait for a flying unicorn to shit diamonds all over you?
LATE ON THE DRAW
Here is an open invite.
Please come down to Camp Lejuene and tell us: Fuck the Troops.
If you have the balls to shitbird.
Well, we’ve already been invited to Fort Drum, Fort Bragg, and various other locations to be beaten to death, so you’ll have to get in line. You guys really do all think alike, don’t you?
please include every member of Coldplay on your "Most Loathsome 2008" list. oh and before i forget, put Brett Favre on there too. He's shaping up to take the Number One spot.
a bitter Pennsylvanian
Singing in cheesy falsetto all the time and naming your kid Apple is pretty annoying, but wanting to make another few million dollars for throwing a ball doesn’t really sound so crazy to us.
THE REAL DEAL
pretend bad movie script:
jim, "i would like to eat crunchy things".
lovingly, mary passed the yogert. jim smiles and made eye contact with mary. the same look told the dog to wiggle and eat cakey cake. the dog thought, although there is no way to verify this, 'my master is wierd.' he nibbled on the dame, but soon enough he decided the table tasted better. i left.
she stayed, and after leaving, bought a scratch off ticket that won her 50 g. i. want. my. food. unless you are an idiot, she won the money. not me, for i am a dog.
There’s nothing “pretend bad” about that at all.
Having only moved to Buffalo a couple months ago, I have have to ask: Why doesn't this city honor Rick James? He was a musical genius, and probably the greatest artist to ever come from Western NY. If not a statue, the city could at least name a street after him. Driving on the Rick James Expressway, imagine that!
Tim Russert will probably have both - and more - by the end of the year.
Probably something about the “burning a captive woman with a crack pipe” episode probably. But we’re with you! If an AWOL cokehead can run the country, why can’t one get a street named after him? It a hell of an idea!
send your ill-informed ravings to us here
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