This issue:
INSANOSCOPES!
Your horoscope in
the form of the stupidest election-related lines we’ve read all month!
Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21)
“I like Sarah Palin... I can see how smart she is... There is a powerful
clarity of consciousness in her eyes. She uses language with the jumps, breaks
and rippling momentum of a be-bop saxophonist.” -Camille Paglia
Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21)
“Big Brother had nothing on the Obamas. They plan to herd American youth
into government-funded reeducation camps where they’ll be brainwashed
into thinking America is a racist, oppressive place in need of ‘social
change.’” -Investor’s Business Daily editorial
Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19)
“The people who believe Obama is the Antichrist are perhaps jumping to
conclusions, but they’re not nuts...” -Lisa Miller, Newsweek
Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18)
“The feminists have continued their campaign against marriage through
Joe Biden’s favorite legislation, the Violence Against Women Act, which
provides a billion dollars a year to feminist centers to promote divorce and
oppose reconciliation.” -Phyllis Schlafly
Pisces (Feb 18 – Mar 20)
“What is the answer, then, for conservative Evangelicals who are rightly
concerned about...the living arrangements of same- and opposite-sex couples?”
-Cal Thomas
Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19)
“Palin offered something different... Many consider her a refreshing citizen-politician
in the old mold, one that Thomas Jefferson would be proud to meet.” -Kathryn
Jean Lopez, National Review
Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20)
“Obama wants to gas the Jews, like the PLO wants to gas the Jews, like
the Nazis gassed the Jews.” -Bill Cunningham
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
“The Obama recession is in full swing... This is an Obama recession. Might
turn into a depression. It’s—he hadn’t done anything yet,
but his ideas are killing the economy.” -Rush Limbaugh
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
“First woman Vice Presidential candidate [Sarah Palin].” -Time
Leo (July 23 – Aug 22)
“No matter what law they pass, do not --repeat, not--ever register any
of your firearms.” -G. Gordon Liddy
Virgo (Aug 23 – Sept 22)
“There is a gay and secular fascism in this country that wants to impose
its will on the rest of us, is prepared to use violence, to use harassment.
I think it is prepared to use the government if it can get control of it. I
think that it is a very dangerous threat to anybody who believes in traditional
religion.” -Newt Gingrich
Libra (Sept 23 – Oct 22)
“...the vast majority [sic] of white Americans didn’t give a fluff
about skin color and enthusiastically pulled the voting lever for a black man...
All those “black studies” programs must now teach kids to thank
Whitey. And I want that on the final.” -Tom Adkins, Philadelphia Inquirer
|
