Beast Banner January 2009
ISSUE #134
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Features

ArrowA NEW YEAR'S GREETING from Mohammed Ajmal Kasab Iman
The last Mumbai terrorist says hi!

ArrowTHE BEAST 50 MOST LOATHSOME PEOPLE IN AMERICA, 2008
Get ready to write an angry e-mail

ArrowSTUPID, or HOW TO LOSE MONEY RUNNING A SPEED LAB
Part III:
John Dolan

ArrowCHANGE YOU CAN SMOKE?
Is Obama smart enough to end the drug war?
Alexander Zaitchik

ArrowINVASION OF THE OUTSIDERS
A people's plague
Anchor Downs

ArrowHOW TO RUN AN ELECTION
Minnesota gets it right
Brad Friedman

Departments

ArrowThe Beast Page 5
Race-baiting Hysteric

ArrowWaxy Beast: Music Reviews
by Eric Lingenfelter

ArrowKino Kwikees: Movie Trailer Reviews
by Michael Gildea

ArrowBEAST-O-SCOPES!
Your completely accurate horoscope

[sic] - Your letters

 

THE BEAST PAGE 5 HYSTERICAL RACE-BAITER

Name: Bobby Rush

Turn-ons: Crying wolf, making everything stupid.

Turn-offs: Credibility, dignity, honesty, reality

How I got to be The BEAST Page 5 Hysterical Race-baiter: I may be a congressman now, but donít expect a Panther to sell out just because a mahogany wannabe got elected. America elected Obama on purpose in order to make us all forget about how racist everything is! Obamaís just a Harvard Hydrox. Speaking of fake Oreos, that is one racist cookie. Whiteyís at the center of things, and blackís on the outside holding it together, just like America. The Oreo cookie is worse than the Tuskegee Experiment.

Future Plans: Iím backing my main man Burris who the senate doesnít want to let in their all-white club. Like I told that ghost Chris Matthews, turning brother Burris away from the senate was like turning fire hoses on schoolgirls in Selma. Exactly the same thing. Seriously. Plus, itís a lynching. No hyperbole there. Trust me; I know what Iím talking about, because white people oppress me all the time, usually by disagreeing with me, which is unbelievably racist.

How Iíd like to be remembered: As a proud black man, and not a huckster or bully or someone setting back progress or exploiting history or anything like that.



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