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Kino
Korner Troy ****    Troy has it all. Brilliant performances,
epic battles, and thousands of sweaty men in skirts fighting. This
is easily the best movie ever made. Oprah was so right! Based on
Homer’s (not Homer Simpson you silly goose) Illiad, Troy
tells the epic story of the Trojan War. Brad Pitt gives the best
performance of his life as Achilles, the Greek Army’s secret weapon.
He was so good that I forgot that they were supposed to show his
butt. Every guy will love Troy, but I warn you now that it
will make you want to become a homosexual. So if you don’t want
to become a homosexual, you may want to go watch a Judy Garland
or Barbara Streisand movie instead. It was also good to see Orlando
Bloom in something that he didn’t have to wear a silly blonde wig
in despite the fact that he picked up a bow and arrows for Troy.
Eric Bana also gave a genuinely great performance as Hector, Paris’
(Bloom) brother who has to defend Troy against sweaty, tanned, and
chiseled Greeks. As I mentioned, Troy is an epic and that
means you shouldn’t stop off for margaritas at T.G.I. Friday’s before
the feature because they’ll back up on you honey, believe you me.
And you’re not going want to miss one sexy second of this potboiler,
sister! Breakin’ All the Rules
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Foxx has the comedic genius of Carrot Top, Yakov Smirnov, and Paula
Poundstone put together. It was a true and rare treat to watch the
man work, and this movie brilliantly articulated the highs and lows
of dating in a refreshing and breathtaking way. Lord knows that
any movie about a case of mistaken identity is always a crowd pleaser.
It just never gets old, does it? When I got home from the movie,
I wrote a letter thanking each and every person who was involved
in its making. I felt as if Breakin’
All the Rules was made for me and me alone.
I know you’re going to think I’m crazy, but I went and saw every
show for the following week thereafter. I don’t know if it’s possible
for me to do any justice to this comic gem known as Breakin’
All the Rules. You’ll just have to go see it for yourself. If
you want to go, I’d love to go with you. My e-mail address is 
And
with the slaying of the first vampire in over a hundred years begins
the summer movie season for 2004! Australian heartthrob Hugh Jackman
gives his most brilliant performance (and I know it’s a tough call
when you include Kate and Leopold) as the legendary vampire
hunter in Stephen Sommers’ reimagining of the classic Dracula storyline.
Only this time, it’s personal when Frankenstein and the Wolf
Man are thrown into the mix. Jackman exudes the commanding presence
that Errol Flynn and Tyrone Power did so many years before. And
Kate Beckinsale is no slouch as the beautiful and dangerous Anna
Velorious, a fellow vampire hunter. These two light up the screen
together like a latter-day Tracy and Hepburn. And with all of the
constant advances in computer-generated special effects, the effects
get better as the movie goes on. Van Helsing is a perfect
movie on every possible level and is now my favorite movie ever.
If you have no desire to see Van Helsing, you deserve to
have a stake driven through your cold, cold heart.
Not
since I saw Akira Kurosawa’s fable classic Rashomon have
I been this pleased with the brilliance of filmmaking done right.
A perfect movie on every level, Godsend is literally that:
a godsend. Now officially my favorite movie, Godsend is the
story of a couple (Greg Kinnear and Rebecca Romijn-Stamos) given
the opportunity to clone the DNA of their dead son who died tragically
in an accident. Giving them the chance of a lifetime is the larger-than-life
Robert DeNiro in his usual brilliant performance. What this man
does with acting and dialogue makes you realize that he hasn’t lost
a bit over the years. I don’t think I’m giving away too much here,
but things get rather creepy and all (no pun intended) hell breaks
loose. Don’t see it alone…
Matthau
and Lemmon. Amateurs! You get Jack Black and Ben Stiller together
for the first time and that’s when the sparks really fly! I’m going
to be honest with you, dear reader, I was too busy laughing my fool
head off and I lost a good many details of the story to relate to
you. But even if that weren’t the case, I’d simply say to you go
and enjoy this comic treat that is Envy for yourself. I can
tell you how great it was forever and still not have justice done
unto it. But what I can tell you is that Envy is now my favorite
movie and it’s as close to cinematic perfection as any mere human
is likely to experience in this lifetime…
Move
over Hilary Duff, Lindsay Lohan is the new teen screen queen. Mean
Girls could be this year's best comedy, as it is filled with laughs
every minute, new ideas, and a unique plot. Mean Girls is the story
of new high school girl Cady (Lohan) and the troubles she has finding
a new clique to roll with. After being home-schooled in Africa (like
most other kids who come to your school senior year), Cady needs
to decide who her real friends are. Unexpectedly, the losers invite
Cady to be friends with them, which she tries out, but these girls
are dorks. Two of them are artists, and another is gay, which could
be detrimental to Cady giving the captain of the football team a
handjob. Knowing that the dorks could ruin her whole high school
future, Cady needs to find some new friends pronto. Meet "The
Plastics," the hottest girls in the high school, played by
actresses in their mid-to-late twenties. Director Mark Waters introduces
the trio ingeniously, using the slow motion shot with their hair
waving in the air and less worthy people clearing the way. Such
a shot has not been captured since the days of Clueless, Jawbreaker,
and Can't Hardly Wait. Things seem to be going well for Cady at
this point; she's in with the most popular girls in high school
and she has met a guy. Unfortunately, the guy she's talking to is
Regina's (McAdams) ex-boyfriend. This puts Cady in a predicament:
she can drop the guy, or do like any other girl in the group and
bang him on the down-low. The intensity is overwhelming when this
high school story begins to heat up. Saturday Night Live's Tina
Fey wrote the screenplay for Mean Girls, which basically means automatic
laughs. Fey is assisted by other SNL co-stars like Tim Meadows and
Anna Gasteyer. Clearly, SNL is only getting funnier as the years
go on, so by default Mean Girls is gold. By the end of Girls, we
learn important lessons on being yourself and the values of true
friendship and being nice to others. This is now my favorite movie.--Greg
Fischman Letters to the Evil Editors should be
addressed to:
sic@buffaloBEST.com
© 2004 The BEST