Ready to Rumble: RNC Permit Flap - Matt Higgins

Osama Bin Laden: The BEAST Interview- Matt Taibbi

Brain Pollution: Polluters Outsource PR to Buffalo News- Chuck Richardson

Closet Governor: America's Gay Panic - Eric Gauchat

I Hate You: Mary Kunz, Vessel of Mediocrity - Donnie Dobovich

Do the White Thing: Is the BEAST Racist?

Rick James' Death: "Disappointingly Normal"- Josh Righter

Great Moments in Propaganda

Special Ad Section (funny!)


Buffalo in Briefs

Libel Corner: Wilson Farms Douchebag Findings, Starbucks Animal Cruelty

_:30 - Commercial Analysis - Ken Barnes

Notes from the Big House


Page 3

Separated at Birth?

[sic] - your letters



Ask Dr. Rotten: Growing your best bud

Mistress Monique: Sex Advice


I Witless News - I. Gonzalez

Deep Fried - Jason Yungbluth

Bob The Angry Flower - Stephen Notley


Kino Korner

Spotlight Review: The Corporation - Chuck Richardson


AudioFiles: J-Zone, Lil Wayne, Garden State


Archives--Old BEASTs

Contact Us


© 2004 The Beast

There doesn't seem to be an aspect of sex that I haven't heard about or experienced. Along with my education as a Sexologist, I am also a Dominatrix with a phone sex service, and believe Me, the amusement in my daily life never stops.

Now you too will entertain Me as I you, and, if you’re lucky, you’ll become as twisted as I am.

I will answer your questions, so everyone can learn about sexuality with no misinformation. I will improve your sexual knowledge with naughty masturbating tips, the how-to of bondage, the what-the-hell of fetishes, etc.There will be something for everyone: male, female, straight, gay, lesbian, transgender, cross-dressers, transsexuals, submissives (my personal  favorite), the frustrated and the freaks...

Let’s get started.

Dear Mistress,

I have a really odd attraction to pornographic animation. I don’t look at it all the time, but when I do, I get really turned on by pictures of women being anally penetrated by alien creatures or machines. I also have this fantasy about being clamped up on an examination table and being penetrated by inanimate objects. I feel like a freak.

-Clamped Up

Dear Clamped,

I have run across these types of images you’re talking about, and damn! … Although this sounds freaky, you’re not a freak per se, you just have a fetish for cartoon women, aliens, & anal penetration.  I would suggest, if have a partner, that you bring some bondage play into the bedroom, letting you feel your fantasy. You could work up to using inanimate objects, but please make sure they that won’t physically harm you or get lost somewhere up in there—your anus is one hell of a Hoover. As far as getting a real anal probe from Yoda, you’re probably out of luck unless you want to camp out in the NV desert for a few months with a giant neon arrow pointing at your ass.


Dear Mistress Monique,

I’ve been happily married for almost 20 years. I have a fantasy that I dream about each night. I want to be with a woman who is lactating and taste her sweet mother's milk. I am really not interested in having any sex; I would just like to nurse. Have you ever heard of this before?


Dear Kevin,

This is a very common fantasy. A lot of men develop this fantasy if their wives do not breast feed or did not allow them to experiment while they were lactating. It may also derive from an incident in your childhood (that is another chapter). In any event, there are a lot of women that offer this service. You can find providers on the internet or please e-mail me directly and I can refer you to sites that advertise for milk maids. Enjoy

Dear Mistress Monique,

I am getting married next month and my fiancé and I are both pretty extreme sexually.  He suggested that we have my best friend, who I love dearly, be our wedding gift to each other, meaning he wants her to have sex with us for our present. I am cool with it, just wondering if in the future will it come back to haunt me?

-Sexed up

Dear Sexed up,

If you’re comfortable with it, as well as your future hubby and girlfriend, then I would say no.  I can see no reason why this would haunt you; in fact it may even bring all of you closer...

Mistress Monique (http://www.moniquem.com/)

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