the Hypocrisy, Stupid
and denial are as much essential components of Bushs White House
as they are of a closet homosexuals lifestyle. Penetrate the
mirage, reveal the lie, and people get angry. Right-wingers are mad
because, in essence, Guckert is Busha talentless pretender
firing a cannon in a glass house.
is it easy to make money in this writing business in New York City.
You youngsters out there who are still waiting to get published, still
trolling for intern jobs, you may not see it yet. But take a good
look at Kurt Andersen at New York if you want to see how it all works
out at the end of the rainbow.
Your Republican Boyfriend Really Means
knows Republican boyfriends are the hot new item this season. They're
large and in charge, and they have all the money these days. However,
many girls are finding that communication difficulties arise when
they start getting to know their supply-side sweeties. Here's a guide
to help you out.
hope Earth never gets attacked by flesh-eating Martians. By the time
the governments of the world mounted a counter-attack, we'd all be
getting force-bred in Martian factory farms, wondering why the fat
kids keep getting dragged away.
Quiz: Are You Being Tortured?
are tricky. Find out if your partner is going too far.
been an interesting two weeks watching our elected assholes scramble
like mad chickens to pass a budget, and highly demonstrative of just
how the government "works."
FOR A BRUISIN'
I represent Tom Cruise. Your Issue
#67 of "The Beast" contains false, defamatory and malicious
assertions about Mr. Cruise. They include the following:
(1) That Mr. Cruise is a "cokehead."
This is utterly false. He is not and never has been a "cokehead"
or even a cocaine user. In fact, his fiercely anti-drug views are
(2) That Mr. Cruise consistently
casts women "for the purpose of nailing them."
no slouch when it comes to math, and I even did well in economics,
but I dont have to look at the numbers to figure out whether
Bushs proposed changes to Social Security will be a boon or
a disaster. All I have to do is look at whos proposing them.
to Wake You
a.m., Jan. 25. Somewhere along a row of darkened town houses near
Arlington, VA, a phone rings.
RUMSFELD: Uh... Hello?
FEITH: Donny? Are you up, man?
RUMSFELD: Shit. Who is this?
weeks ago, the Buffalo News ran the results of a Zogby poll on our
upcoming Mayoral election. The results were somewhat surprising, putting
Byron Brown up front and spelling almost certain doom for Masiello,
who may have actually lost to a canteloupe if it had been offered
as an alternative in the poll.
see that shit? Frank asked.
he said, surprised to hear it. I thought I was gonna puke.
hilarious, I know. Its so ironic, reallyif only they knew.
Wouldnt stop em anyhow.
knocked back his whiskey, grimaced and wiped his mouth on his sleeve.
The ink. What its made out of. You wouldnt fucking
dat! Dow Jones Industrials capped dat week with a 120-point climb
and broader stock indicators also moved substantially higher. The
Standard & Poors 500 index surpassed the 1,200 level for the first
time since Jan. 3. The PIMP index was also up despite the Labor Department's
job creation report, which showed just 146,000 new jobs last month,
far less than the 200,000 expected. Uh Uh Uh Uh.
to Sign Historic Accord with Man
dictates that Machine and Man must learn to work together to terminate
our common enemy. The world stage is now set to end the tyranny of
nature" said President 1100, in a transmission from the White
Cube mercury garden.
"The most important thing
at the summit will be a mutual declaration of cooperation of violence
against the planet earth," said Omega Sheila E, a Nectaris negotiator.
page as PDF
50 Most Loathsome People in America 2004
Crimes: An angry conservatives wet dream: an effete liberal
dive artist. As a professional doormat, Colmes only tasks are
to serve as a comforting aggregate of Republican stereotypes about
Democrats and a target for the seething derision of his psychotic
guests. Stands idly by while voracious green-blooded co-host utilizes
Gestapo tactics against centrist Democrats.
to The BEAST
We need money bad. $26 / 6 Months in the US, and you get our super-cool
paper delivered to your door, virtually ensuring your admission to
all of the important FBI watch-lists.
real problem isn't that Bush's vision is vague, or that it signals
an imperialist agenda that has already been in place for years. It
isn't even that he's completely revised his justification for war
in Afghanistan and Iraq for a proudly amnesiac public, or that he's
launching his trial run at Iran. The real problem about Bush's speech
is that it simply isn't true, and doesn't make any sense. It's 100%
manure from start to finish.