10 Questions for Scott McClellan
Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt; it’s also Scott McClellan, White House Press Secretary and expert stonewaller. Even Scott’s predecessor, Ari “Lizard Blood” Fleischer has to give it up for his former assistant: “The man is an evasion machine,” Fleischer said recently. “Lying all day used to wear me down, but Scott seems to actually thrive on it. It’s his way of life, and I really admire that.” We asked McClellan about recent developments in the Valerie Plame leak investigation, and were treated to a dazzling display of obfuscatory mastery.

NOW THAT TIME MAGAZINE HAS RELEASED MATT COOPER’S NOTES, AND KARL ROVE HAS BEEN IDENTIFIED AS A SOURCE IN THE INVESTIGATION, HOW WILL THE WHITE HOUSE PROCEED ON THE MATTER? I appreciate your question. I think your question is being asked relating to some reports that are in reference to an ongoing criminal investigation. The criminal investigation that you reference is something that continues at this point. And as I've previously stated, while that investigation is ongoing, the White House is not going to comment on it. The President directed the White House to cooperate fully with the investigation, and as part of cooperating fully with the investigation, we made a decision that we weren't going to comment on it while it is ongoing.
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ARE YOU WILLING TO ADMIT THAT ROVE DID LEAK AN UNDERCOVER CIA AGENT’S IDENTITY? OR ARE YOU WILLING TO DENY IT? Again, you're asking questions relating to an ongoing investigation, and I think I've responded to it.
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IN JUNE 2004, THE PRESIDENT SAID THAT HE WOULD FIRE ANYBODY WHO WAS INVOLVED IN THIS LEAK. WILL ROVE BE FIRED IF HE IS THE SOURCE? Well, I think the president has previously spoken to this. This continues to be an ongoing criminal investigation. No one wants to get to the bottom of it more than the president of the United States. And we're just not going to have more to say on it until that investigation is complete.
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IN SEPTEMBER 2003, YOU SAID YOU HAD SPOKEN TO ROVE, AND THE ALLEGATIONS WERE “SIMPLY NOT TRUE,” AND THAT “IF ANYONE IN THIS ADMINISTRATION WAS INVOLVED IN [THE LEAK], THEY WOULD NO LONGER BE IN THIS ADMINISTRATION.” WHAT HAS CHANGED THAT YOU ARE UNWILLING TO MAKE THOSE STATEMENTS TODAY? Again, I'm going to be happy to talk about this at the appropriate time. You know me very well and you know the type of person that I am. And I'm confident in our relationship that we have. But I will be glad to talk about this at the appropriate time, and that's once the investigation is complete.
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BUT THIS VERY SAME INVESTIGATION WAS ‘ONGOING’ AT THE TIME YOU MADE THOSE FORMER STATEMENTS. AGAIN, WHAT IS DIFFERENT NOW? Yes, but this question is coming up in the context of this ongoing investigation, and that's why I said that our policy continues to be that we're not going to get into commenting on an ongoing criminal investigation from this podium. The prosecutors overseeing the investigation had expressed a preference to us that one way to help the investigation is not to be commenting on it from this podium. And so that's why we are not going to get into commenting on it while it is an ongoing investigation, or questions related to it.
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BUT THE PROSECUTORS REFUSE TO COMMENT ON THAT CLAIM, AND YOU YOURSELF AID THAT THE PROSECUTOR’S REQUEST CAME IN 2003, BEFORE YOU AND THE PRESIDENT MADE THE COMMENTS WE JUST CITED. HOW DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE? La la la la la, I can’t hear you. What did you say? I see your lips moving, but I don’t hear anything. Lalalalalala, lalalalala, lalala. Sorry, no comprende. Next question.
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DO YOU SEE HOW IT MIGHT LOOK TO THE PUBLIC LIKE YOU’RE JUST WAITING TO SEE IF ROVE GETS OFFICIALLY BUSTED BEFORE YOU DECIDE WHAT STORY TO SPIN? Again, these are all questions coming up in the context of an ongoing criminal investigation. And you've heard my response on this. Do you have questions on another topic?
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SURE. YOU WERE SPOTTED AT A GAY BAR IN AUSTIN, TEXAS, ON MARCH 19, 1995. RAW STORY CLAIMS TWO SOURCES CONFIRMED THAT YOU OFTEN FREQUENTED SUCH BARS IN AUSTIN. ANY TRUTH TO THESE ACCOUNTS? I’ve said all I’m going to say on that subject.
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BUT YOU HAVEN’T SAID ANYTHING. Exactly. Anything else?
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ONE MORE QUESTION: HOW DO YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT? On a gigantic pile of money. It’s surprisingly comfortable.