Buffalo BEAST - Buffalo's New Best Fiend
 

Sept 7-Sept 21, 2005
Issue #83

  .Buffalo's Best Fiend
   
Brown Nose
Buffalo News Endorses Mediocrity
Allan Uthman

Occupational Hazard
Why They Hate Us
Alexander Zaitchik

Lie of the Storm
No one could've predicted this, or something
Kit Smith
Joltin' Bolton
UN Ambassador as bad as you thought
Jeff Dean
Beast Calling!
A Tele-prayer with the 700 Club
(includes audio)

Area Man Remembers 9-11 Twice Daily
Ian Murphy

Point/Counterpoint
A debate on withdrawal

The BEAST BLOG
Buffalo in Briefs
The Sports Blotter
The Week in Sports Crime
Matt Taibbi
Page 3
Bills Season Preview
Ronnie Roscoe
Separated at Birth?
Beast-O-Scopes
Kino Korner: Movies
Voicemails
[sic] - Letters
 Cover Page

COMIX:
Idiot Box
Perry Bible Fellowship
Bob the Angry Flower

RSS FEED
ISSUE #82PDF FILE
(right-click & "save target")
ARCHIVES
LINKS
SUBSCRIPTIONS

MERCHANDISE

Last Issue: (82)

The BEAST Page 3
Amusing National Security Diversion

Name: Spamalot!

Turn-ons: Recycled jokes, resting on laurels, entertaining wayward power bitches

Turn-offs: Judgmental, dehydrated flood victims, mouthy shoe shoppers, John "I'm so great" Cleese

How I got to be The BEAST Page 3 Amusing National Security Diversion: The Secretary of State Works hard, people. She shouldn't let a little thing like the largest disaster in American history get in the way of a hard-earned New York vacation. Just because thousands of people are dying of thirst and the rest can't afford gas, it doesn't mean Condi doesn't need shoes that cost as much as a mid-sized sedan, or tennis instruction from Monica Seles. Miss Rice spent a pleasant evening watching my hackneyed musical comedy stylings, which I thought was just dandy, until the lights went up and the crowed booed her--how very rude!

Future plans: I'll be raking in a whole lot of cash for Eric Idle, the most shameless former Monty Python member, and angering his funnier colleagues who made up most of the jokes I'm beating to death. You know, "I fart in your general direction" and all that.

How I'd like to be remembered: I'm hoping most theatre-goers will mix me in with their preexisting memories of Monty Python's Holy Grail--that way they'll think I was funny.

© Copyright 2002-2005, The Beast. All rights reserved.