Buffalo BEAST - Buffalo's New Best Fiend

Sept 7-Sept 21, 2005
Issue #83

  ..Buffalo's Best Fiend
Brown Nose
Buffalo News Endorses Mediocrity
Allan Uthman

Occupational Hazard
Why They Hate Us
Alexander Zaitchik

Lie of the Storm
No one could've predicted this, or something
Kit Smith
Joltin' Bolton
UN Ambassador as bad as you thought
Jeff Dean
Beast Calling!
A Tele-prayer with the 700 Club
(includes audio)

Area Man Remembers 9-11 Twice Daily
Ian Murphy

A debate on withdrawal

Buffalo in Briefs
The Sports Blotter
The Week in Sports Crime
Matt Taibbi
Page 3
Bills Season Preview
Ronnie Roscoe
Separated at Birth?
Kino Korner: Movies
[sic] - Letters
 Cover Page

Idiot Box
Perry Bible Fellowship
Bob the Angry Flower

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Area Man Remembers 9-11 Twice Daily
Ian Murphy

With the approach of the 9-11 four year anniversary many Americans will be taking time to honor the fallen, but for one local man the memory of the horrible events of September 11th, 2001are never far from his mind.

On most days, once in the A.M. and again in the P.M., Podiatrist Stephen Kilanowski finds himself staring somberly at the clock in solemn remembrance of that fateful day.

“If I happen to be around a clock” says Kilanowski, a Cheektowoga native “and I’m looking at it, then I usually remember that day.” “Except on the weekends” adds Kilanowski “because I’m either sleeping in or out to dinner or a movie or something. Oh and not on Wednesdays either, in the morning I have the chiropractors and at night I get the kids so I usually don’t notice.” When he does notice say friends he takes “a second or so to think, wow that really sucked!”

“Most of us have totally forgotten that there was a 9-11 and that it was significant in any way” says longtime friend and coworker Stan Cooke “but Stephen’s unbridled patriotism and loose mental association between times and dates has been a beacon for us all.” “Now most of us in the office find ourselves milling around the coffee machine in the morning at that time” says Cooke “and we think, something happened on 9-11and we should remember it, and we do.”

While Kilanowski’s “unbridled patriotism” has garnered respect from some, it has also gained the doctor several detractors, both professionally and in his personal life.

“This man has got to stop remembering so much” insists Claire Redmond, former patient and longtime liberal acquaintance “if he doesn’t, somebody is going to get seriously injured.” Others claim Kilanowski has already “gone too far” and remembered “too much.”

“I was there to get my bunions scrapped and all of a sudden he just zones out” says ex-patient Kris Tyler “and I was all like hello-hello? And finally after like a minute of sobbing he just looked at me with this craven look in his eyes. I asked him if he was ok and he just started going crazy, flipping over tables and chairs, ripping the couch cushions apart with his teeth and accusing me of hiding a dirty bomb and harboring terrorists. I tried to explain to him that my purse wasn’t big enough to harbor terrorist and he totally freaked out and came at me with a scalpel screaming ‘support the troops!’”

“Kris Tyler has been at this game for a long time now” says Cooke “she has aligned herself with the likes of moveon.org and Michael Moore; all of the other doctors in the office refuse to treat her anymore. It’s a shame; she has such nice parents.”

Tyler openly admits to both visiting the moveon.org website and seeing the film Fahrenheit 9/11 but denies accusations that she is a raging liberal whiner who would rather see the terrorists win than see George W. Bush succeed in spreading freedom to the Middle East.

As for Kilanowski, he is undeterred in what he calls his “never ending quest to honor the memory of those innocent victims, by any means necessary.” “Yeah I’m going to remember those helpless victims twice a day if I’m near a digital clock except when I’m at the chiropractors or sleeping or something else and people are either going to be with me or against me.”

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