Buffalo BEAST - Buffalo's New Best Fiend
 

Sept 21 - Oct 5, 2005
Issue #84

  .Buffalo's Best Fiend
   
Poopaganda
Why is it OK for the press to lie?
Allan Uthman

Banana Republicans
3rd World, US-style
Shawn Ewald

Drowning Reality
Truth not a Major Factor in New Orleans
Kit Smith
Of Pandas & Morons
Truth vs. Myth in PA
Jeff Dean
Star Wars
The Sequel & the Reality
Bob Fitrakis

APOCALYPTIC FUNPAGE!
Play the Blame Game!
Match the Stupid Quote!
Roberts Confirmation Maze

The BEAST BLOG
Buffalo in Briefs
The Sports Blotter
The Week in Sports Crime
Matt Taibbi
Wide Right
Bills Football
Ronnie Roscoe
Kino Korner: Movies
Michael Gildea
Page 3
Separated at Birth?
Beast-O-Scopes
[sic] - Letters
 Cover Page

COMIX:
Idiot Box
Perry Bible Fellowship
Bob the Angry Flower

ISSUE #82PDF FILE
(right-click & "save target")
ARCHIVES
RSS FEED
LINKS
SUBSCRIPTIONS

MERCHANDISE

Last Issue: (83)

THE BEAST PAGE 3
Nonexistent Pentagon Program

Name: Able Danger

Turn-ons: Data mining, Mohammed Atta, the 9-11 commission, destroying key intelligence documents, plausible deniability, FOX news and sippin’ Baby Cristal.

Turn-offs: National security, sharing information with the FBI, those kooky conspiracy theorists, Rep. Curt Weldon, Carrot Top, disclosure, scrutiny, human life.

How I got to be The BEAST PAGE 3 Nonexistent Pentagon Program: While there is no evidence at this time to either confirm or deny our own existence, we may or may not have memories of seeing or not seeing, and/or being ordered to or not ordered to destroy thousands of intelligence reports pertaining to 9-11 ring leader Mohamed Atta a full two years before 2001. Of course we can neither confirm nor deny these allegations, as there is no proof of said documents, as they may or may not have been destroyed by, ahem us and, as mentioned above, um… hey, look over there, what is that? HURRICANE AHHHHH! Ok now what was the question?

Future plans: Most of us envision keeping our mouths shut and being promoted, while some plan on being blocked from testifying before a Senate panel by pentagon lawyers and a few of us foresee being painted as America hating crack pots until we either revise our stories, or die one by one in a series of horrible “skiing accidents.”

How I’d like to be remembered: Not at all.

© Copyright 2002-2005, The Beast. All rights reserved.