BEAST PAGE 3
Pajarito ("Little Bird")
Turn-ons: Hemingway, Pamplona,
vital organs, tequila, Richard Moll, hot
pants, Bull Durham, teats.
Turn-offs: Picadors, PETA, Brokeback Mountain, Mad Cow Disease,
Mexicans and TrimSpa.
How I got to be the Beast Page 3 Disgruntled Bovine: I grabbed
myself by the horns and leaped into the stands at Mexico City's
bullring. I was the first bull to do that! I injured seven of those
bloodthirsty bastard spectators and even gored one stinking puta
right on her chest. It all went so splendidly until I was stabbed
to death by a matador.
Future Plans: Well, most likely my mangled remains will be distributed
to poor Mexicans for bull steak, bull stew, bull sausage, bull burgers,
chocolate covered bull tail, snout pudding and lots of Jell-o. It's
also possible my ample testicles will be cut off and mutilated by
the citizens of Mexico City as symbolic revenge for my transgressions.
But I hope my courageous act of defiance will spur other bulls to
reclaim their lives, if only momentarily, and strike fear and their
horns into the black hearts of bipeds.
How I'd like to be remembered: As "Pajarito the Puta Impaler."
And for my impeccable hygiene..