wanted to say thanks for making my day every 2 weeks! Great piece,
the "Laugh Riot"... Good to know there's still people
with common sense. Maybe one day we'll rid the world of religious
drones and their homicidal masters. And of the spineless cowards
who call themselves liberals and hide their heads in the sand.
Or at least silence all these fucks, so the real people can enjoy
Ralph, they must all be killed. Umma Gumma.
you for saying what needed to be said. I have yet to see an editorial
on the cartoon escapade that actually echoed what i was thinking.
completely agree with you 100% which is a rarity for me, but it's
meant as a compliment for you. What i am afraid of, about this
whole deadly protest over freaking cartoons...is that it is getting
harder to poke fun at religion. I too think they are ridiculous,
and after the eons of freethinkers/athiests/agnostics being persecuted,
ridiculed, whatever...for just thinking, we should be allowed
to make fun of all the death, destruction, and ruin that religion
Well, as you said, it needed to be said and, therefore, we would
have been negligent in not having said it. But as you said, we
in fact said it. Or so you said. We must emphatically disagree,
however, with your observation “that it is getting harder to poke
fun at religion.” This was the easiest gig we’ve had in a long
wanted to tell you there are people who support the paper, especially
this latest issue. I'm glad you printed one of the Mohammed cartoons,
too. I cut it out and put it up in the hallway at work. Freedom
of the press is a belief REALLY worth fighting for.
being said, I wondered why you didn't put up the cartoon on the
Wow, you really posted the Mohammed cartoon at your workplace?
And in a hallway, no less! Truly, you’re an inspiration to cowardly
free speech advocates everywhere. We bet all of the Wahabi fundamentalists
at your job were incensed! That being said, the cartoon was on
the website and we’re wondering why you didn’t see it. Does your
IT guy have a bomb in his turban?
just wanted to let you know that I found your article "Laugh
Riot" brilliant. As a Buffalonian transplanted to Europe,
I was pleased to be told that you guys were online. Keep up the
Come on, man. Try another adjective. Illuminating? Incandescent!
Paradigm-shifting? Bowel-churning? Something…
agree with most of your commentary. But, just because you have
a right to be an asshole doesn't mean you have to be one. And
being an asshole because some one else is being one gets us nowhere.
So, reacting to the riots by everyone printing the cartoons at
once seems a little childish. Maybe explaining it, like you did,
that this was whipped up demagoguery (sp) by a minority of a
certain religion might even enlighten our own people to what
is being done to them and in their name.
Fox, San Antonio, Texas
So, if we understand you correctly, what you’re saying is: just
because you’re being anal retentive, doesn’t mean we should respond
in kind. Because that wouldn’t get us anywhere. Is that about
right? Or just because you’re too scared to print something doesn’t
mean you’re not an asshole. Or was it just because you’re childish
doesn’t mean your head should be cut off? And who puts the notation
“(sp)” in his own letter? Who does that, Jim? Other than you,
obviously. You want us to check it for you, is that it? It’s right.
You were right, Jim, “demagoguery.” Maybe next time look it up
a bad article, the 'Laugh Riot'. Funny as hell, actually.
I think your comparison with christians and muslims was pretty
specious. The christians haven't been bombed and shot at on a
daily basis for the last 3 years.
in mind, you do not have complete freedom of speech, no matter
how you slice it, though. Some things are simply ill timed and
stupid to say.
cannot scream 'fire' in a crowded theatre, for instance, though
you can do so at home. The reason is simple: people will wig out
and trample eachother.
the fact is, the cartoons were just another brick in the wall
of the 'clash of cultures' that they figure the westerners are
doubt about it. People who kill people over this kind of thing
and burn shit down are idiots. That's a given. But people who
give them grist for their mill are idiots, too.
Don’t go getting fitted for that Supreme Court robe just yet.
Equating religious insanity with legitimate panic sets a bad precedent.
Think it through: say reading the word “ancillary” causes some
guy to fly into an irrational rage and stab people in the neck.
Is it then your responsibility to avoid using that word? Or should
you say, “fuck that neck-stabbing dude, ancillary ancillary ancillary!”
Probably neither. The point is, that guy is the problem, and that
guy should be in jail, or probably the nuthouse.
publication of controversial material—even if it’s as unfunny
as the Danish cartoons—shouldn’t be hindered by the extortionate
prospect people will die or embassies will burn. If they were
protesting about getting shot at and bombed, do you think we’d
have a problem with that?
by the way, every time our man Michael Gildea goes to a cineplex,
he yells out “Fire!” in the middle of the movie, just for a giggle.
Still a free man, we might add.
absolutely loved your "50 Most Loathsome People In America"
and subscribed immediately after reading it.
receiving my first issue of "The Beast" I realized it
was not for me.
it be possible to receive a refund for the rest of my subscription?
EVEN A LITTLE?
couldn’t agree more with Mr. Uthman and his piece “Laugh Riot.”
Thank you for expressing my feelings so accurately and amusingly!
Mr. Uthman couldn’t agree with himself more, either. Sometimes,
maybe. Still other times, he agrees with himself far too much.
And then other times, he doesn’t agree with himself hardly at
all. Those can be very bleak times. He captured your sentiments
accurately, really? That’s, just, it’s just so great for us, you
know? Al’s really, he’s just, so pleased for you, for all of us.
It’s just, we were so hoping to articulate what you were thinking
about all of this and, well, when it all turns out, so perfectly,
it’s just…It’s indescribable.
just discovered your web site a couple of weeks ago through a
link to the "Most Loathsome List".
up the good work. Living in texas I had come to believe really
good satire was dead. Fortunalty it lives in the cold white north.
That’s because it was nearly beaten to death in Texas.
Paul: I just ran across "The 50 Most Loathsome People in
America 2004." It is absolutely BRILLIANT!!!! I would have
included the rabidly loathsome and oxycontin junkie Hush Dimbulb,
but your list is so amazingly on-the-money that Ann Coulter and
Michael (Weiner) Savage will suffice. Well done, BRAVO! And I'm
African American and I "concur" with your references
to ALL those so-called jive ass Knee-Grows purporting to somehow
uphold and support their race and culture by screwing them....!
News Cameraman [NYC
Wow, a real, live black person who reads The BEAST! And a member
of the MSM, no less. See, folks, we enjoy widespread appeal—a
veritable rainbow of readership. One thing, Rob…it’s 2006. A year
and two months have passed since that list’s publication. There’s
a whole new list now. Maybe you can write and tell us what you
think of it next year.
I was reading your list, here are my thoughts:
of all, why put God on the loathsome list when everyone (including
myself) LOVE Him? After all, it was when Mankind sinned that
caused these natural disasters (God allowed them to happen but
doesn't hold any responsiblity). There's a good website to go
to on this called www.christianspotlight.net. They've got some
good answers as to why God allows natural disasters.
of all, instead of God on the list, replace him with radio pundit
Michael Savage (unless Dr. Savage is an "honorable mention").
Now I consider myself conservative but he's just pessimistic and
hateful. I used to listen to him on a regular basis but now his
rants really turn me off. He's just as bad as Rush Limbaugh.
all I have to say. God bless and Godspeed!
Did you by any chance check out our ”Special Blasphemy Issue?”
You really should. We think you’d be mighty flattered.
allows disasters to happen, but doesn’t bear any responsibility?
Damn, must be nice. We ignore a few parking tickets and they take
our fucking car away.
GREATEST STORY EVER RETOLD
read your (fabulous) article on the cartoon story and thought
I'd throw in my two cents. As a sporadic, aspiring comic artist
I’ve been following the Mohammed cartoon controversy, well, religiously.
I just can’t see how this has become a two-sided issue. I think
people need to stop bending over backwards to find justifications
for tolerance and leniency in this situation. Why are we striving
to conceal the values we fought so hard to uphold at the whim
of countries that think boycotting European medicine will somehow
teach the world a lesson? We’ve spent countless quantities of
media cosmetics to make the Middle East seem like a sweet, cultured
world with a bad reputation, I think they’ve long since given
up the right to that compassion. It’s time we stop defending people
who burn cars, bomb weddings and stone people for “blasphemy”.
They’re not asking for sympathy or freedom from religious persecution,
they’re asking to be exempt from all criticism on the grounds
that it’s only unfair when it happens to them. Tolerance for others
should end when we cease to tolerate ourselves.
Gee, your two cents sound awfully familiar. Almost exactly like
our two cents, in fact. Can’t you just take a cue from everyone
else, write “Your article was the most brilliant brilliance ever
brillianced,” and leave it at that?
was wondering why you guys removed the Sports Blotter from the
Beast. My co-workers and I really enjoyed it. Is it ever going
to appear again in future papers?
Here we are churning out reams of high comedy and sheer widely
proclaimed brilliance, issue after issue, and all you and your
colleagues want to know is, “Where’s my ‘Sports Blotter?’” Don’t
worry your pretty little head, Maurice. We’re pinching it from
one of Taibbi’s current employers, just for you. Happy now? You
wound us, sir.
are a danger to America and to the world at large. I nearly asphyxiated
myself laughing at your 2005
of the Fifty Most Loathesome People and, had I not diverted my
browser when I had, you would've received a letter from my widow's
lawyer demanding financial compensation for my laughing myself
it is, you (and I) have dodged the bullet... this time.
this be a lesson to you all: Do not be this funny next year or
we may not be as lucky.
creator of Assclowns of the Week.
You know what the funniest thing about your death would’ve been—other
than you dying? The whole, “lawyer demanding compensation” bit.
You know, we have other “Most Loathsome” lists. Have you seen
those, JP? Why don’t you, uh, read them all back-to-back in one
cardiac-arresting marathon session?
Special Blasphemy Issue was incredibly over the top. No 46 virgins
for you! Not even 1 virgin for you. Just sluts for you in Hell,
performing depraved unnatural acts on you for eternity!
immediately or reap the sick perverted consequences.
from Hell, Eddy? “Depraved unnatural acts…for eternity?” So, you
want us to apologize to avoid that fate? Ha! Boy, have you miscalculated!
You’re wrong about one other thing: our intern’s a virgin.
Hits the Fan
latest stunt by aptly named publication The Beast only substantiates
the long held belief that the balls of this half-wit outfit outweighs
its rotten brain by a margin of about two-to-one. The Beast would
argue this is a good thing.
symbiotic gnat on a donkey's stinky scrotum paper will ride the
tailcoats of any scandal just so its editor, Mudd Taibbi, can
watch his goofy name in big Googly lights for however long the
masturbatory thrill may last.
was sitting on the toilet when I got a call from my publisher,
Gern Farmboy, who shocked the shit out of me when he said that
there was, like, 50,000 Muslims below his window bearing sabers
and signs that looked like they said evil stuff. "Fcuk,"
I said. This is definitely one of those me experiences when the
entire world points its laser gun at ME. I mean what is all the
commotion abvout? This was totally unexpected, like the pope piece.
All this hype, for what?"
popes, Popstars and maimed Muhammads are all equally grilled at
the altar of this demonic rag, which testifies to the dangers
of long-term exposure to Mongolian sports, group sex with farm
animals and late night talk shows on young minds.
a recluse drug abuser and bronze dildo idolater who is believed
to sleep with camels and other hooved desert animals, drives a
rusted Dodge and regularly eats at various McDonalds heathen restarunats
in the tri-Buffalo region. He is a sick fcuk with potential mad
cow disease and should be considered armed and dangerous.
not hesitate to dial 9-1-1 if you see this leperous wart on the
ass of a dying Buffalo.
Can that be right: this absurd and tragically unfunny meta-parody
was a collaborative effort? Exactly how many dyslexic, oxygen-deprived
minds combined to write “tailcoats” and misspell “fuck” the same
way twice? As for what seems to be the “point” of your letter:
Taibbi Taibbi Taibbi, everything we do that’s any good gets attributed
to Taibbi. Taibbi doesn’t live here anymore. He’s moved on to
ride even bigger tailcoats. Go bother Jann Wenner.