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The
BEAST PAGE 3 IMPROVISED EXPLOSIVE COLA
Turn-ons: High fructose corn syrup, juvenile diabetes, juvenile dismemberment, people who care enough to recycle, a partner who enjoys spontaneity, romantic roadside fires and spending quiet nights at home curled up with a dog-eared CIA training manual. Turn-offs: Freedom, root canals, the war crimes of Mr. Pibb, being confused with an IUD, German shepherds, stuck-up pentagon robots and the American pronunciation of aluminium. How I got to be the BEAST Page 3 Improvised Exploding Device: As you can no doubt tell, I was once a modest vessel of delicious cola; I had no complaints. After that everything went downhill. I was in and out of trouble with the law; I got kicked around from one Ali to another. It seemed like nobody wanted anything to do with me – until I was carefully packed with [bomb making ingredients redacted] and there you have it: Again I had a destructive purpose. Future Plans: Nothing! I mean, this is it for me; it’s not like I can be returned for deposit at this point, look at me. Yup, no going back now. Hopefully I’ll wind up lodged in the head of a journalist – people love that. The choice of a neural degeneration! OK, that was pretty bad. How
I’d Like to be Remembered: As an exploding device
that lived by the seat of its pants and inexpensively struck
terror into the hearts of the most powerful military in the
world - that and the time I set Michael Jackson’s hair
on fire. Also, to toot my own horn, perhaps as a poignant symbol
of the dangerous ways in which clashing civilizations can adopt
and reinterpret each other’s cultural icons, or something. |
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Name:
Pepsi can IED
