CHICAGO (AB)–Researchers at the Institute of Incredibly Depressing Statistics (IIDS) have released a new and incredibly depressing statistic: 70% of republicans are unable to identify their own image in a mirror.

Study participants were asked to stand in a lineup, which included a houseplant, a cardboard cutout of Mel Torme, a bucket full of monkey spit and a large wheel of sharp cheddar cheese. IIDS scientists then presented the subjects with a wall-sized mirror and asked them to point at their own reflection. While 92% of registered democrats were easily able to point out their own reflection, a staggering majority of republicans and independents could not. Read the rest of this entry »

BY THE ENDURING VISION

Procrastination has long been the scourge of productivity, and with the rise of addictive social networking sites including the YouTube Store and the FaceSpace, most believe that it’s only going to get worse from here. But is there any way to stop it and give yourself the ability to constantly work all the time?

For the sake of your happiness, we certainly hope so. Give a few of the following tips a whirl and see how it goes: Read the rest of this entry »

Tony Stark: Capitalist Übermensch

By Ellsworth Toohey Michael Caigoy

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Robert Downey Jr. reprises his role as Hank Rearden Tony Stark, the brilliant entrepreneur who single-handedly invents a new steel alloy power source, leading to the creation of collectivist teapots the Iron Man suit.

This is a stupid, stupid movie. Read the rest of this entry »

Originally posted at the Enduring Vision

The hipster community, having exhausted most known pre-1999 lexicons and fashions to reinvigorate, now finds itself in a life-or-death struggle as the lack of a new anachronism to latch on to threatens the viability of the entire social structure.

Experts say the staidness of Converse sneakers, fedoras, and pretending to enjoy Pabst Blue Ribbon could sideline the whole hipster community unless a cutting-edge anachronism can be discovered. Read the rest of this entry »