A brief message from The BEAST IT department

by BEAST Webmaster
Rajneesh Shahi Korma

OK, ma’am, I’m going to ask you to go ahead and reboot your computer at this time. Please hold.

Oh, hello, BEAST readers. I didn’t see you there. I may as well be taking this opportunity—please hold, thank you—to guide you through the known issues with The BEAST—please hold— website redesign. Please hold.

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OK, thank you for holding. Now, if you’re using Internet Explorer, the new BEAST website will be looking—please hold—terrible. To fix this problem—please hold—you should first uninstall IE and then shoot yourself in the—please hold—fucking head, for being such a fucking—please hold— idiot. Please hold.

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Thank you for holding. To reiterate, if you’re using Microsoft’s Internet Explorer I’m going to have to ask you to go ahead and reboot your brain with a high caliber rifle or handgun. You’ll be doing the world a favor by ridding it of the type of insolent swine—please hold—who would choose such a woefully inadequate—please hold—product when there are other free, far superior and readily available web browsers from which you could be using. Please hold.

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Thank you for holding. And thank you, for enjoying The BEAST 2.0. I’m sure you’ll find—please hold—that The BEAST 2.0 will be providing you with a—please hold—more attractive, interactive—please hold—and navigable alternative  to what we at The BEAST had previously—please hold—offered. Please hold.

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Thank you for your patience. Customer satisfaction is our number one priority at Dell, excuse me—please hold—The BEAST. If you have any further issues with The BEAST 2.O feel free to contact me—please hold—in my air conditioned car, because it’s a sweltering night day here in Bangalore Buffalo.

Thank you, come again : )