We seriously need money. Anything. A buck. Come ahhhn!

BEAST Faces Existential Threat
A call to avert catastrophe

Skip this bullshit--->

Dear Antisocial Personality:

Imagine, if you will, the unimaginable: A world without The BEAST.

Think of the consequences: Without us, global warming would still be a looming, seemingly insoluble threat to our very existence. Genocide would continue unabated in Darfur. America would still be engaged in an avoidable quagmire of human loss in Iraq. Osama bin Laden would still be on the loose, and Americans would still be gripped by the irrational fear of an overblown terrorist threat.

Our nation would yet be under the reign of a power-mad, unelected regime. Bush and Cheney would go on ruling the country, neither impeached nor imprisoned. Our economy would be in a state of increasing decline, the bottom of which would remain out of sight. The intentional dismantling of our federal regulatory bodies, by corrupt, Bush-appointed shills from the industries they purport to police, would continue apace. Muslims and Jews would not enjoy the stable, peaceful relations they have today.

It sounds mad, but just imagine a world such as this. How terrible, how dreadful it would be. Surely, we cannot let such tragic events befall our fair, peaceful, and prosperous world.

This is why we appeal to you today. It is up to you, dear reader, to help us combat the forces of bullshit and decency at large in this small and vulnerable world. We hate it too when some website begs us for money, but desperate times call for desperate measures. A BEAST-less world must be avoided, and is eminently avoidable, and as someone who understands how high the stakes are, it’s your duty as a responsible citizen to do your part to save our society.

So we’re asking. No--we’re begging. Do the world a solid and buy a subscription, or just chuck us a few dollars. Donate twenty bucks and we’ll send you a “free” T-shirt--destined to become a much sought-after collector’s item in the near future. If you don’t want a T-shirt, we’ll send you something else--original artwork, personal effects, leftover prescriptions, toenail clippings--you name it. Don't have much? We'll take a dollar. every bit helps.

Let's not forget what the world was like before The BEAST came on the scene and saved us all. Can you really live with the inevitability of another 9/11 or, worse yet, a nuclear attack on our great nation, in a world without The BEAST? Think about it. Help us help you.

(Seriously, we need your money. Give it up.)